“What do you do, Kent?” Ted asks. He moves his queen three squares left, taking a pawn.
I hiss through my teeth—shoulda seen that, dammit. I move a knight three squares up and one square right. “I’m an author.”
“What do you write?”
“Science fiction, but I plan on branching out. I also sell my dick to lusty soccer moms.”
He moves his bishop, threatening one of my rooks while simultaneously protecting it with his queen. “That so? I’m kinda the opposite—I like em a bit more…naive.”
“Naive?” My eyes narrow. “Hold on—what’d you say your name was?”
“Edward.” He grins at me. “Edward Cullen.”
“Oh shit.” My eyes widen. “You’re the vampire from—”
“ ’Twilight,’ ” he finishes. “That’s right, buddy. You like Fiftyplusmilfs, and I like OldersForYoungers. I’m a bit more—”
My eyes narrow a notch further. “—disgusting—”
“—PARTICULAR,” he throws me an irritated look, “than you are.”
“You’re a century old,” I hiss, “and you’re hooking up with HIGH SCHOOLERS?”
His grin widens. “Think you can stop me, meat?”
“Matter of fact, yes—I do.” Then I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Chris Hansen—of “To Catch a Predator” fame—bursts in the room, machine-gunning questions at Edward the Ultra-Pedo. He howls in agony, covering his face with both arms.
“Ah Christ—my ultimate weakness! Worse than sunlight and crosses!” He bursts into flames, shoots to his feet, and makes a break for the window. “FUCK YOU, CHRIS HANSEN!” He crashes through the glass, but Hansen follows close on his heels, leaping through the shard-dotted frame like a parkour ninja.
That’s right—ain’t no pedophile vampires getting the better o’ Kent Fucking Wayne: Sci Fi author and professional Man Whore!
Are you facing off against a dirtbag predator who’s managed to paint himself as a tortured hero? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜