ONBOARD THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR:
“Where the HELL is Kent Wayne?” Morpheus demanded, casting an irritated glance into the mess hall before continuing through the main corridor. “He’s supposed to be on monitor duty, dammit. I swear to Christ, if he’s jerking off to 50plusmilfs again, I’ll make good and goddamn sure he spends the next six months cleaning my latrine with his motherfucking toothbrush.”
“He’s been spending a lot of time with Trinity,” Neo said uneasily, trailing the intrepid Resistance commander. “Every time I try and schedule a date night, she tells me she’s ‘busy with something.’ But then I see her giggling at a terminal, looking through a bunch of private messages.”
“I never should have recruited him,” Morpheus muttered, swinging open a storage locker and canvassing its interior with a sharp, hawkish gaze. “He’s coated damn near everything in his disgusting-ass semen.”
Neo didn’t say anything. He simply continued looking worried.
INSIDE THE MATRIX:
I said godDAMN! Who’da thunk that learning to manipulate a dreamworld of magic (Chroni-WHAT!-cles of Narnia!) would lead to an all-day EVERY-day boff session, no cleanup necessary??? With muh’fucking TRINITY no less! (Sometimes we invite the Lady in the Red Dress, if we plan on getting frea-KAY! HEH heh heh!)
“Kent,” Trinity purrs, toying with my palm-sized patch of chest hair. “You’re SO much better than that idiot Neo. He’s pretty, but he’s always zoning out and staring into space. I’ll be talking to him one moment, he’s totally there, then he’s blanking out like a foam-faced paste-eater. I swear—every time I hang out with him, I use half a box of kleenex wiping off drool from the corners of his lips.”
I fold both hands behind my head and stretch out on the bed. “Well I’m glad we’re doing this here and not in the real world, ’cause lemme tell you—we’d be mopping up a helluva lot more than the occasional blob of drool.”
Trinity hits my chest with a playful slap. “Pig.” But she does it with a smile.
“You know it, sweetie. How about some bacon?” I lift up the sheet, showing off my throbbing, upcurved womb-hammer.
Her eyes light up. “Hope you’re hydrated Kent, because I plan on sucking every last drop of—”
Morpheus yells “KENT!” at the same time Neo cries, “TRINITY!” I see their idiot faces pressing up against the window.
“Oh SHIT!” I toss off the sheets. Trinity grabs them, wrapping them around her bomb-ass body. Her desperate explanations follow me down the hall as I bang against the walls, snatching up a stuffed Voltron and using it to cover my giant package. It doesn’t really help; it makes me look like I’m trying to fuck a galactic robo-defender with my enormous hog. But it’s better than nothing, I supp—
Morpheus bursts through the wall, spear-tackling me and sending us both crashing into an adjacent apartment. I turtle up as he mounts my chest and rains punch after punch down on my face.
“YOU’RE ALWAYS FUCKING OFF, KENT! YOU’RE THE WORST RESISTANCE FIGHTER EVER!”
“Aagh!” I block a hook and a straight, then trap his elbow and bridge my hips while trapping his elbow, rolling him over and taking top position. “You guys are so damn SERIOUS! You’re like a bunch of LARPer virgins!” I disengage and start running, but he rolls sideways and kneels on the head of my dick, taking all the slack out of my ankle-length piece. It yanks me off my feet—I land on my belly with a pained WHOOF!
“Your disgustingly large penis is your greatest weakness!” Morpheus crows. “Physically AND mentally!”
“So you think,” I hiss.
Then I reach in my ass-crack and pull out my eReader, simultaneously opening it to Echo and activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My wiener comes to thunderous life, opening its dick-lips wide in an earth-quaking bellow. Morpheus stumbles back and covers his ears, screaming in pain as sonic pressure hazes the air. He sounds tinny compared to my wiener’s roar. After my penis quiets down, he assumes a fighting stance and glowers malevolently at me.
“You brought this on yourself, Kent.”
“Think this through.” I lower into a hunch, my wiener hissing and waving like a snake-charmer’s cobra. “I could beat your ass, then tear through the Matrix in an unprecedented fuck-fest—it’ll be mythologized in reverent whispers around lonely campfires. OR…we can strike a truce. You and I, we both know the world needs a professional Man Whore. THINK, Morpheus—Trinity ain’t gonna settle for Neo’s pathetic, vacant-eyed dick. She needs my thick, girthy upcurve.”
Morpheus holds my gaze for a long moment. Then he straightens up, sighs…and covers his eyes with a thumb and forefinger.
I throw the Resistance leader a devilish smile. I could give a corn-speckled dook about robots and humans and their petty attempts to dominate each other. But the Way of the Man Whore? Nothing short of sacred, as far as I’m concerned.
(Trinity thinks so too. HEH heh heh!) 😀
Are a mob of doom-and-gloom fuckfaces trying to make you pull some boring-ass monitor duty while your built-up gametes are making you feel like you just ate 10 lbs. of pudding? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜