Three infinities above our physical realm, there exists a psychic dreamscape called Conceptua Connecta, where phenomena started as an aetheric blueprint before taking form down here on Earth.
Originally, you had the birds and the bees. You had grainy sex-ed videos where condoms were rolled over tops of bananas…
And then you had Kent Wayne.
“WHOOO!!!” I duck low on my thought-formed surfboard, slicing across the crest of an idea-borne wave. As I pass by other muses and astral entities, I swipe my finger across the tops of their lips, urging them to take a whiff.
Disgusted faces recoil from my hand. Curses chase me across the imaginal expanse, followed by angry calls to do some real work goddammit, and stop channeling my perverted spirit throughout the interwebs. I pay them no mind; I’m Kent Effin’ Wayne—Existence’s #1 Sex Muse! HEE hee hee!
Suddenly, the aether above me rumbles and parts. A giant, bearded face pokes out from the aperture, its eyes narrowing in clear revulsion.
Oh shit—the Big Guy!
“Kent,” the Big Guy growls. “You’re stirring up too much shit. From now on, you’ll work for the Grammar Nazis.” An enormous hand comes floating toward me, fingers poised to flick me off my board and force-incarnate me into a physical body.
“WAIT!” I scream, holding both hands out. “Don’t—PLEASE! Grammar Nazis HURT MY WILL TO LIVE!”
“Give me a reason,” the Big Guy hisses.
“Uh…uh…” I look wildly around, trying to spot something that will save me from a lifetime of pedantic nitpicking and a pair of withered, flea-sized balls.
“That’s what I thought.” The disembodied hand starts floating toward me again.
“No, I’ve got something!” I hold my hand out, palm up, channeling the idea for my science fiction epic called “Echo” through the center of my palm. It manifests as a twisting burst of spectacular colors.
The hand stops a foot away from me. “Hmmm…” the Big Guy’s face screws up in thought. Then he shrugs. “That’ll work. Prepare for descent.”
The hand jumps forward and flicks me off my board. Everything around me fractalizes into a hazy mess of equations and symbols, then—
—I’m in my San Francisco studio, ready to get to work on my manuscript. But through sheer force of will, I’ve managed to hold onto a bit o’ that Divine Pervert.
Kent Wayne, Professional Man Whore, at your service!
Are you a free-wheeling aetheric spirit who’s pissed one too many Muses off with your wild n’ wacky ways? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜