“So,” Robin crosses his arms and squares up with me. “You’re the new trainee.”
“Uh, yeah.” I rub the back of my neck and look around the Batcave. “You guys have a pretty sweet setup. Jesus—” my eyes widen as I spot a bank of quantum supercomputers linked together behind the wall-sized bat-monitor. “Those are worth billions of dollars. Do you mind if I—”
Robin marches in front of them and re-crosses his arms. “Those computers are for me and Batman—NO ONE ELSE.”
Catty little shit. “You’re underdressed. It’s inappropriate.” I direct a pointed glance at his pixie toes and stripper shorts.
His teeth bare into a snarl. He tromps up to me, stopping when his face is an inch away from mine. “Wanna throw down? You’re fucking with the best, Kent.”
My eyes narrow. “All I see is a deranged boy trying to turn the world’s greatest detective into a despicable pedoph—”
“Robin! Kent! Ready to train?” Batman walks down the stairs.
“Absolutely, Bruce!” Robin’s attitude changes in an instant; he’s gone from UFC stare-down to rainbows and sunshine. The Boy Wonder skips over to the Caped Crusader and flings his arms out for a hug.
“I’m not a hugger,” Batman grunts.
I pump my fist in quiet triumph. Robin sees it. He locks eyes with me, his face twisting with hate. He shoots a quivering finger at me and screams, “HE’S BEEN WORKING WITH THE JOKER!”
Batman turns to me, his expression grave. “Is that true, Kent? Because if it is, then you’re no longer welcome.”
I raise my hands in a what-are-you-TALKING-about gesture. “What the hell kind of kangaroo court are you guys running he—”
He holds up a hand, cutting me off. “Robin has saved my life on multiple occasions—I trust him implicitly. Is there any reason I should believe you’re innocent?”
“Got one right here.” I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Suddenly, the bat-computer fritzes and resolves into a video feed. It shows Robin in his room, cutting slivers off his short-shorts—making them extra, EXTRA short—so they ride up past his thighs and settle halfway onto his ass. He’s singing loudly along to Nine Inch Nails’ “I Want to Fuck You Like an Animal,” only he’s replaced the word “you” with “Bruce.”
We stare at the screen for a long, awkward moment. No one says a word.
Finally, Batman clears his throat. “Uh, Robin, I have nothing against homosexuality, but I’m a grown man and you’re only fiftee—”
“Bruce!” Robin steps forward, eyes wide, hands outstretched. “I can explain! I can—”
He shakes his head. “I have no desire to be re-branded as ‘Ultra Pedo.’ I already have to work twice as hard as any of the Justice Leaguers, since I don’t have powers. I’m sorry, Robin, but you’re fired.”
He turns to me. “And you’re off probation. Think of a superhero name. You’re gonna need one, if you wanna do this full time.”
And that’s how Kent Wayne became Man Whore the Massive.
Is some jealous-ass sidekick trying to destroy your budding career as a hypersexualized superhero? Never fear!
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜