The stegosaurus looks over its shoulder, and I see one of its eyes widen in reflexive fear. My heartbeat ramps up as I swing one of my three-taloned claws. God DAMN do stegos taste good! I gotta tell ya, of all the dinos, nothing beats a freshly killed stego calf. Imma brag about this for DAYS; most of my velociraptor herd haven’t even killed a tiny-ass deinonychu—
“KENT! Are you listening to me???”
My boss is glaring at me. He stands up, braces his knuckles on the table, and leans aggressively forward.
“Uh, yes—yes I did, Mr. Hallstaf.” I adjust my tie and grin nervously.
His eyes narrow. “What did I just say? Repeat it back.”
Oh Christ, please just leave me the fuck alone. My anus already bleeds on a daily basis from spending countless hours at this goddamn desk job.
“Repeat it back, Kent.” Now he’s grinning. Only it’s not a hey-buddy-it’s-ok-let’s-forget-about-it-and-move-on grin; no, it’s more like a I-hope-you-brought-some-lube-’cause-imma-bout-to-turn-your-starfish-into-a-Sarlacc-Gaper.
I gulp a single time. My Adam’s apple bulges in and out. Beads of sweat spring out across my forehead.
“That’s what I thought.” He’s smiling so hard now he looks like the goddamn Joker.
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The lights fritz erratically, then abruptly go dark. A soul-shriveling “RAAAAWWWKKK” cuts through the air, drying vajeens and shrinking nutsacks. Not me, though—my heart lifts and my wiener twitches.
Because that’s the sound of my motherfucking spirit animal.
Cyborg velociraptors crash through the walls and start going to town, flaying open stomachs and slicing through jugulars. I see one of the dinos put Hallstaf’s head between its jaws and bite viciously down, severing his head at the brainstem.
One of the raptors runs up to me, snakes its tail between my legs, and bucks me forward, jumping me up onto its back. It turns its head and looks back at me, parsing my gaze with its glimmering red eye. That side of its face—the right side—is entirely mechanical, like a cool-ass dino version of an OG Terminator.
“My name is Grimscar,” it rumbles in a voice which is a cross between Darth Vader’s and Clint Eastwood’s. “I’m here to rescue you from TPS reports and the inevitable ruination of your magnificent womb-hammer.”
(That means penis, in case you’re an uncreative bore in bed)
I beat my chest and roar like King Fucking Kong. Grimscar charges through the high-rise glass, then runs down the side of the building using his Van der Waals charged toe-pads to stick to the windows.
Ain’t nuthin’ better than escaping from a meeting astride a robo-velociraptor. WHOOOOOO!!!!
Are you entrenched in YET ANOTHER dick-dragging conference meeting where your boss is actively trying to nutkick your soul? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀