“Kent, wake up!”
“Huh?” I brush a gaggle of empty code red bottles off my chest. “Whuzza?”
My best friend and loyal comrade—Wiener—rises two feet above my waist, looking fearfully from side to side.
“We’re in danger!” he whispers tersely.
“What do you mean?” I sit up and blink sleepily.
“Every seven years, I shed my outer layer, and it takes on a life of its own. Right now, there’s an evil duplicate of me slinking around somewhere inside your studio.”
“What?” My brow furrows as I struggle to process what he’s saying. “Like a snake?”
“Anaconda,” he hisses. “Respect the size, bitch. Anyways, yeah—like an evil fucking python. It’s around here somewhere, stalking us like a penile version of Sideshow Bob.”
“Holy shit,” I whisper. “Where could he be?” I look around with widened eyes.
“Anywhere. Wake up Soccer Mom Prime.” Wiener keeps looking from side to side.
I can’t help but think of all those eighties movies that start with a bunch of heavily armed heroes venturing into the wilds, and end with them getting overwhelmed while screaming “THERE’S…TOO…MANY!!!”
“Hey. Sweetie.” I reach over and shake my lover’s shoulder. “Wake up.”
“Huh?” She rubs her eyes, focusing through her cum-drunk euphoria. “What the fuck, Wayne?”
“I shed my skin and created an evil twin,” Wiener whispers.
She rolls her eyes. “Only you, Kent.”
“We have to do something!” Wiener screeches. “Pretty soon he’ll—”
The lights fritz. I flinch and yelp as a loud wha-PAP-PAP-PAP sounds a foot away from me.
When the lights click back on, Wiener’s lying in an unconscious coil by my feet.
“Game over, man!” I scream. “GAME FUCKING OVER!”
“Shut up, pussy,” Soccer Mom Prime snaps. “I’ll need to enhance my senses; hand me your eReader.”
I give it to her. She opens it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
She stands up on my futon, hands stretched out to either side, feeling for minute shifts in air pressure. Her eyes droop shut as she cocks her head. Damn, this is badass—like when Van Damne got blinded in Bloodsport, or Daredevil before he’s about to open a can of echo-location-powered whup-ass.
Evil Wiener comes screaming at her from the left. She doesn’t even face him; her hands blur into a series of perfectly timed slaps and knife-hands. As the phallic serpent-creature rears back and trumpets in rage, she spins around and launches a whip-fast wheel-kick—so goddamn fast that an umbra of flame forms around the cup of her heel.
The kick connects, blasting Evil Wiener apart into a thousand sparkling motes. I look around in dazed wonder, lips parted, as sparkles float gently down.
“You’re welcome,” she rasps.
“I will eat your ass for days on end,” I murmur reverently.
She smiles. “Deal.”
Thank GOD for Soccer Mom Prime! 😀
Have your genitals shed their skin and given birth to an evil monster? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜