WITHIN KENT WAYNE’S SHOWER:

“REMEMBER YESTERDAY!” I screech, holding the shampoo bottle to my lips like a hot mic.  “WALKING HAND IN HAND!  LOVE LETTERS IN THE SAND; I RE-MEM-BER YOU!  THROUGH THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS…THROUGH EVERY ENDLESS DAY!  I’D WANNA HEAR YOU SA-AY:  I RE-MEM-BER YOU!”

I pause for a second so I can furiously strum my air guitar, then screw my face up as I drum the fuck out of an invisible drumset.

 

TEN MINUTES LATER:

I finish drying off and walk back into the living room.  My phone is flashing with a shitload of alerts.  The screen fritzes, then begins blinking through newsfeeds.

“—bringer of the apocalypse—”

“—people dying left and right—”

“—is my last newscast.  I can feel my brain running out my ears—”

“YOU DID THIS, KENT WAYNE!  YOU AND YOUR UNGODLY SHOWER SINGING!”

My first instinct is to shrug.  A world without Grammar Nazis and emo-poets—how is that a bad thing?  But then my penis rears up and slaps me twice across the face.  It informs me through a series of burbles and grunts that I’ve lost my goddamn mind.

Because how the FUCK am I gonna survive in a world without SOCCER MOMS?

He’s right, damn it—he’s right.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Time rewinds, to the instant before I was about to unleash my horrific rendition of Skid Row’s classic rock ballad.  I raise the shampoo bottle up to my mouth, about to cut loose, when Penis turns his glans up, looks me in the eye, and growls warningly.

Sigh.  He’s right.  No more shower karaoke.

 

Have you accidentally wiped out humanity with your blood-curdling voice, and now need to reset the space-time continuum?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜