“Those pissed-as-fuck pop stars are right on our tail, Kent! If they get their hands on us, they’re gonna rip our atoms quark from quark and sell our skimmer to the goddamn—”
“I know, I KNOW, Zarbonk!” I key a seven-number sequence into my warp-drive interface, reach down to my right thigh, and grip a holographic lever formed from wireframe light.
I meet Zarbonk’s gaze in the multicam rearview. My eyes narrow, concealing a delicious rush of anticipation behind a tough-guy facade.
“Hang on to something,” I rasp.
(NEVER miss the chance to throw in a badass one-liner. 😉 )
Zarbonk’s eyes widen in panic. “Wait, what’re you—”
I punch the lever forward, unable to keep myself from smiling. SHHHHEEEEEOOOOOMMMMM!!!!
Zarbonk’s terrified screech fills the cabin as our ship goes from 90% lightspeed to 110% imaginal. Dimensions and psyches rocket past us as we breach the mind-space barrier, flying through an unending stream of conceptual madness. We blink by world-killer weapons, cybernetic spells, and vast streams of circuitry-threaded light.
“Zarbonk!” I catch my Erullian copilot’s eye in the rearview. “Deploy the apocryphal chaff!”
He answers with a quick nod, then yanks down on a dangling handgrip hanging from the edge of the ceiling. Theories and arguments shoot from the sides of our craft, filling the aether with fantastic chains of nameless colors.
“No use, Kent!” Zarbonk blurts. “They’re staying right on our—”
I start unhooking my X-shaped pilot’s harness. “Switch to manual,” I order the nav computer. “Cede control of craft to Zarbonk Nyscale—override code Epsilon Delanti Omega.”
“CONTROL HAS BEEN CEDED. GOODBYE, PILOT WAYNE.”
“Kent, WHAT ARE YOU—”
I pop the hatch. As an iridescent stream of pure imagination rips past me, blurring my form into a dreamy haze, I throw him a rakish grin.
“You love me—I know.” (just like Han before he gets frozen in carbonite. HEH heh heh!)
“THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO—”
And then I swan-dive out the side of our skimmer and tuck into a ball, spinning at 80^1089 miles per hour. In the midst of my spin-cycle whirl, I catch a glimpse of my pursuers from my third eye. Bieber, One Direction, The Jonas Brothers…
I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Taylor Swift raises her hand, grasps two alloyed handgrips—her ceiling-mounted canopy releases—twists, and pulls. An explosive POOM sounds from her ship as her cockpit glass goes flying back. A second later her craft begins to dematerialize behind her, fading into a scatter of wireframe fragments. The clean-burn thrusters on her quixotic jet-pack blaze into brilliant relief, and she rockets past the rest of my foam-faced pursuers in a fantastic blast of myth-powered exhaust.
I start singing one of my favorites from her classic album ‘1989’: “And when we go crash. Ing. Down, we come back every tiiiiime…”
Then she spear-tackles me and growls, “SHUT UP, MAN WHORE!”
WHEEEEEE!!!! We streak away and disappear in a twinkle of light.
After several months of using me like the cheap, giant-cocked man-slut I am, I accidentally hotboxed her during a snug-sesh, and barely escaped from her palace with my nuts and my life. She issued a warrant for my castration and capture, but to this day I remain a free Man Whore, seducing soccer moms all across the breadth of existence.
Ha HA! The adventures of Kent Wayne—sci-fi author, soccer mom seducer, and Han Solo wannabe—continue! 😀
Are you being chased across an expanse of pure possibility by a gang of vengeful pop stars? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜