Ooh, help myself to a giant weed brownie that’s fallen into the folds of my blankets? Don’t mind if I do! GALUMPH! Hmm, here’s some magic mushrooms that I just shook out from my moldy laundry—down the hatch they go! NOMPF!
Time to write some stories! (Also time to visit the hyperspace wizards of the Elothian Realm! 😀 )
I sit down in front of my computer. A second later the monitor hazes over. The screen bubbles toward me, and my eyes widen in astonishment; it’s forming into a hand…a hand that’s reaching toward my chest. Each of the fingers are tipped by tiny, laughing faces.
“Whoa.” I stand up from my chair. “Let’s not get crazy here, I’m not trynna—”
Then it grips me by the nuts and yanks me into the SCCCRREEEEeeeeeee—
WITHIN KENT’S COMPUTER:
A Space Marine jams a rifle against my chest and rasps, “Grab hold a’ yer sack, kid—time to skullfuck some Zerg. Hope you know how to work the safety on that thing, ’cos—”
Something giant and chitinous rips off his helmet and chomps down on his head. I blink twice, staring at his spurting neck-stump, then my fear kicks in and I beat feet in the opposite direction, screaming like a ten-year-old schoolgirl who just found out that Justin Bieber is actually a douche-hole.
My toe hits a rock. I fart in terror as the rocky, blasted earth rushes up toward me. As I crawl frantically away, I whisper a fervent prayer under my breath; i’s only a matter of seconds before—
Five robotic lions swoop up into the sky, printing dazzling contrails onto the star-speckled night. Forks of lightning dance between them as their bodies merge into one of the most badass mechas to ever grace the boob tube. Maybe they’re not using the classic 80s theme song, but still, anything that fights off space monsters with a blazing sword is a-ok in my book. Before I can voice a raucous cheer, I’m—
In my porn file. Legions of milfs blatter me about the face and chest with their purses and boobs. Their voices merge together into a single shriek:
“YOU NEVER TURN US OFF, KENT! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE CONSTANTLY ON, ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME???”
“Ow! Shit! Quit it!” I shield my head with my forearms and hands, but it’s no use; in a few seconds, I’m gonna be reduced to a stream of electrons.
No options left. I reach into my digitized clothing and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“NOTHAT’STHEWRONGHOLE!” I bolt up in bed, sweaty and gasping. After a panicked glance around, I realize I’m back in my studio, back in the “real world.” I wipe the sweat from my eyes with a shaking palm, then let out a long, shuddering exhale. Then I rise to my feet and take a seat in front of my computer, rubbing my hands eagerly together. Boy oh boy oh boy—time to browse some milf sites!
But just as I’m about to enter the URL, I hiss through my teeth and sigh regretfully.
No—they said they needed some time off. Might as well get back to work on Echo 4.
Have you eaten one too many edibles, and are now trapped in an electronic hellscape where the denizens of your porn file are beating you senseless? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜