Goddamn, I LOVE being a flea!
I get to squirm into all the nasty little holes and crevices nobody likes to think of—pee-holes, vajeens, buttcracks…and just when my host-body is all comfy and relaxed…
BITEYS BITEYS MCBITERSON!
I drink some of their sweet, first-world blood, then move on to their nether parts, where I laugh at how disgusting these supposedly “clean” primates purport themselves to be. Shee-itttt…there ain’t no CLEAN humans—they are FILLED with green, brown, and gray goo! Hey, I’m a low-down, filth-grubbing flea, so I can’t really judge, right? But take my word for it:
Humans are GROSS!
Anyways, I’ve hopped my way over to the western edge of San Francisco, where I’ve infiltrated the home of some idiot named “Kent Wayne.” Even though he ingests a variety of supplements and high quality foods to maintain an impressive musculature and immune system, his personal hygiene falls far short of what you’d consider “baseline.” Accordingly, there’s a plethora of vectors and camouflage that I’m able to employ as I skip and creep over to his prone body.
Right now he’s sleeping. He scratches his nuts, sniffs his fingers, then lets out a long, shuddery snore. Kind of like a mentally challenged horse. What an IDIOT@
I hate this guy already. I’m gonna leave him an itchy bump right on his scrotum, so that he’ll have to go into some lengthy diatribe to explain to his potential love interests why he’s safe to fuck. Actually, I think I’ll cluster a bunch of ’em together, to reduce his chances of getting laid to single digit percentages.
I hop onto his poorly shaven ballsack, insert my proboscis, and start sucking blood. HEH heh heh! Happy jerk sessions, fella—this wiener ain’t going in a vajeen any time soon, I’ll tell you that much!
After I raise my sixth flea bite on his sack I decide to move to his shaft. Oh yeah, buddy…your piece is about to look as nasty as a herpes-splashed witch’s nose.
Then he starts snuffling and snorting. He reaches a hand over to his eReader and opens it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Suddenly, his wiener stands at full attention. Battalions of sperm begin erupting from its tip, drenching me in hostile, mountain-dew powered little swimmers. They start gnawing at my carapace, degrading my exoskeleton. I start screaming and chittering—what kind of sperm have motherfucking TEETH???
“AHHHH!!! AAAHHH!! YOU FUCKING LITTLE—”
I thrash and flail but it’s no use; these little fuckers are too goddamn vicious. One of my legs breaks off, and a gush of blood pours from the stump. They pierce my shellpiece, and start ravaging my organs with a legion of fangs.
This isn’t over, Kent Wayne! I’ll send my brothers after you! They’ll drain your wiener dry, you evil fuck!
Are malicious little fleas trying to chomp apart your junk? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜