“And so,” I conclude in a grave voice, “with great power comes great responsibility.”
My professor sighs. “Kent, that has nothing to do with the assignment. All you did was describe a fight scene between Spider Man and—”
“I’m not finished!” I hold up a finger and look from left to right, drawing the class’s gaze with my solemn expression. “In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might—”
My professor covers his eyes with a hand. “That’s the Green Lantern Oath.”
I begin belting out the John Williams Superman theme: “Daah dah dah dah DAHHH…”
He cuts me off with an angry roar: “KENT! That is ENOUGH! Referencing comic book mythology—”
“—DAH DAH DAAAAHHHH….”
“—will NOT earn you a passing grade. FAIL!”
“NO!” I drop to my knees and crawl across the floor, tears streaming from my eyes. “PLEASE!” I grab my teacher’s slacks. I shake them with my reddened fists and borrow a line from MacGruber: “I’LL SUCK YOUR DICK!”
He waves me away. “The time for fellatio has come and gone. It’s near the end of the semester, Kent—you’ll have to go several steps beyond working the shaft and cradling the balls.”
“What?” My lower lip quivers. “What do you mean?”
He throws me an evil grin. “I take so little inspiration from the younger generation these days. But I’ve stumbled on a delightful mating ritual of theirs that used to be fairly taboo a mere decade ago.” His grin widens.
He bends over and exposes his hairy, mutant starfish. A pair of flies buzz by it, and I see a pulsing red razor bump on the left cheek, thumping in time with my professor’s heartbeat. It’s like a rotting corpse from one of those dark-ass war movies, the ones that emphasize the atrocities of humanity and the slow, gradual creep of entropic horror.
“AH GOD!” I wail. “I CAN’T!!!”
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Crazy-ass Steven Seagal busts through the window in nothing but a yin/yang dotted speedo, barrel-rolling across the tile and transitioning into a leaping dive. In his cool-guy rasp, he declares, “I’ll have me some of that!”
Then he pounces on my professor and grabs both cheeks, spreading em wide and chowing down on my professor’s rancid, unshaven death-hole.
“No!” My professor’s triumph gives way to terror as the entire class whips out their smartphones and start clicking away, taking pictures of Steven Seagal neck-deep in some academic anus. “NO!”
I bust out of the classroom, cackling madly as I run down the hall. My professor’s scream trails me as I make my escape.
“DAMN YOU, KENT WAYNE! DAAAAMMMMMMNNN YOOOOOUUUUUuuuuuuuu….”
Ha HA! Yet another daring getaway by your favorite author (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne! 😀
Are you being threatened by the prospect of having to appease some petty, academia-funded tyrant through one of the most perilous sex acts imaginable? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜