“What do you see, Stinky?”
“Silence, seven-year-old Kent.”
Stinky (real name Ralph Johnson) peers into one of Lincoln Elementary’s well-used toilets. “Reading poop coils is a lost art, reaching further back in time than the Eleusinian Mysteries. Never rush an oracle.”
I roll my eyes. “An oracle? Dude, you started doing this just last week after you took ‘the perfect dook, where your poop coiled into a neat spiral and poked its head out of the water.”
Stinky straightens up and lifts back his Justice League hoody, revealing his slightly pitted face (he just got over chicken pox a few days ago). “That was a sign from the gods, you fatuous infant—poopy doesn’t just randomly form into a mystical symbol of the nature of reality. You’d do well to respect it.”
“Yeah yeah.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Get to the good stuff—what’d you learn from my dook?”
“You will make whoopy with many soccer moms, and you will also become known as a consummate Man Wh—”
The door swings wide, and Garret Stiegler walks in, surrounded by a gang of enormous ten-year-olds.
“Well well well.” He cracks his knuckles and favors us with an evil grin. “What do we have here? Buncha poop-gazing freaks, eh? Hope you got it all outta you, because if you haven’t, it’s gonna leave some 3-D skidmarks in the middle of your undies. Prepare for some atomic wedgies, losers.”
The oversized brutes roar and charge. I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Young Bruce Wayne blurs in front of me, stopping Garrett with a wind-stealing throat jab. As Garrett stumbles back, Bruce spins in place and sidekicks another guy flush in the chest, sending him stumbling into the arms of guy #3. Bruce grabs a stall door with both hands, and slams it open into Stevie Harris’s face. Then he nerples another guy, and cracks the dude’s skull off the edge of a sink. A second later, the wayward ten-year-olds flee from the bathroom, crying for their mommas.
Bruce glowers at them from the edge of the doorway.
Then he turns to me. “So. This is the Man Whore of the future?”
Stinky responds with a grave nod. “He is.”
Bruce claps me on the shoulder, searching my face with his grim, dark eyes. “Teach me, Man Whore, and I’ll show you some dirty tricks you can use in a fight.”
My eyes light up. “Can you teach me the nerple???”
“It will take many years of training…but yes, when you are ready, I will teach you the nerple.”
“Sweet!” We spit in our palms and shake hands. “You’ve got yourself a deal!”
And so, not only did Bruce Wayne learn how to grow his peener into a thick, diamond-hard, upcurved womb smasher, but he also indoctrinated Kent Wayne in the long-lost secrets of the Purple Nerple, and many an adventure was had along the way!
Remember those days when you were a little tyke, and you feared for your underwear’s integrity on a daily basis? Me too! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜