“How do you like your imaginal armor, Kent?”
“GodDAMN!” I exclaim into my two-way psionics. “This thing is like all the flavors of mountain dew all at ONCE!”
Glowing green data flits through my vision, topped by a holographic bust of my mind-side handler: Reginald Crane. I reach over to my right and pull down on three levers, activating a series of neuro-beatifics. My light-woven gauntlets spark with streamers of light and I wave them through the air, marveling at the slow-fading contrails they leave in their wake.
“Living ideas, Kent. Instantiated into the physical world, then built around you into a psychospiritual ensemble. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Weaponized stories,” I whisper. “Amazing.”
Suddenly, the door to the lab crumples inward, and in walks a giant, smelly, wolf-headed ape-thing.
The wolf-head hinges back at the neck. “Hello, Kent.” Grammar Nazi Prime grins at me from inside his horrible, disgusting beast-suit.
“Grammar Nazi Prime.” I clench my light-woven gauntlets into fists, then slam them together at the knuckles. Sparks fly from the contact, coating the lab in a blanket of bright, skittering specks of energy.
Grammar Nazi Prime clutches his belly and howls in laughter. “You think your pathetic armor can stand up to mine? Witness the power of GRAMMAR!” The wolf-head closes over his receded hairline, hiding him from view. Then his armor lowers down, clenches its fists, and unleashes a giant stream of rank shit. It’s like a Protein Shit times a million—as if this dude had eaten Steven Seagal’s fricasseed neck-beard seasoned with a generous helping of Limbaugh’s death-sweat.
My armor starts dissolving; the scream of tiny voices fills my ear as Grammar Nazi Prime’s mental feces eats away at my good ideas.
No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Dah dah da daaaah….DAH DE DAAAAHHH!!!!
The Voltron theme rings through the air and Blazing Sword forms between my fists. This beautiful weapon has been imbued with the finest syllogistics, childlike joy, and every Grammar Nazi’s mortal enemy:
Grammar Nazi Prime’s eyes widen in fear. He raises his suit’s paws in a terrified warding gesture.
“No wait! DON’T—”
It’s too late. I slice through him and his shit-pile with my Blazing Sword, diffusing his essence into a glimmering scatter of floating quanta. I hold the pose for a few more seconds (like the beast-ass imaginal-robot-samurai that I am), and slowly straighten.
The Voltron theme sounds again, and I throw Reginald Crane a thumbs-up through the reinforced glass, where he’s wiping his brow and sighing in relief.
And THAT is how you deal with Grammar Nazis! 😀
Are you monkeying around in some idea-borne armor, when suddenly an asshole Grammar Nazi tries to kill you with his shit? (Literally?) Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜