UP IN ASGARD:
“Look at this fucker.” Odin narrows his one remaining eye, peers over a cloud and stares at the disgusting being known as Kent Wayne. “What a piece of shit.”
Thor walked up to his father, casually swinging Mjolnir to either side of him. “What’s wrong?”
Odin flings a disbelieving hand down toward Midgard. “All he does is jerk off and watch Justice League Unlimited! Sometimes he jerks off TO Justice League Unlimited!”
Thor wrinkles his brow, puzzled. “JLU was an awesome show.”
“That ended TWELVE years ago! Fucking Kent Wayne still can’t stop humming along to its opening theme! It’s driving me INSANE!”
“What are you going to do to him?”
“I don’t know.” Odin’s eye narrows again. “Something.”
DOWN ON MIDGARD:
Doo bee doo bee doooo….doo bitty doo bitty dooo…..
(I’m a self-proclaimed master of the Art of Doo Bee)
Hmm…I think I’m in the mood for some more Justice League Unlimited! I love that one where Batman tells Superman to go fuck himself with a giant horse cock! (actually, I think the exact words he used were “You don’t get to joke,” and “I just took a bullet for you” but whatevs)
Anyways, I’ve arranged my pizza and mountain dew in a careful semicircle, ready to get Dark Knight AF, when suddenly, a yoked-ass old man materializes in my living room. His arms are crossed, and he’s got a patch over his left eye.
“I am going to fuck you up, Kent Wayne.”
Then he extends a lightning-wreathed hand at me and shoots jagged bolts of energy out from his fingertips. I’m enveloped in excruciating arcs of electric fire; my hair dances like Miley Cyrus after an all-night coke-binge, while my balls jiggle and flail like Chris Farley when he went astral in Beverly HIlls Ninja.
No options left. I reach over to my eReader and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Sperm begins erupting from my wiener, coating my entire studio in vast swaths of white gunk. The smell is overwhelming—due to my all-pizza diet, my seed smells like Gary Busey’s sweaty asscrack after he’s spend a full day rubbing it up against Whoopi Goldberg’s. Odin’s one eye bugs out of its socket as he clutches his neck, sputtering and hacking.
He manages to yell, “FUCK YOU, KENT WAYNE!” before he dematerializes into a drift of sparks.
UP IN ASGARD:
Thor stumbles back in shock, watching Odin rematerialize on his throne.
“Father! What happened?”
“Nothing,” Odin manages. “Forget about it.”
“What about Kent Wayne? Did you get him to stop watching Justice League Unlimited?”
Odin turns haunted eyes onto his son. “There’s no stopping him. I didn’t get any on me, but sweet Christ, the smell alone…”
He cups his face with his hands, and begins sobbing uncontrollably.
Is some cranky old bastard trying to get you to stop watching your favorite show? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜