I don’t really need a mouthpiece, but when I enter virtual reality, it increases my coolness factor by several orders of magnitude. That’s why once the helmet’s emplaced on my skull, I bite down on the rubberized mold, and rasp: “Get me hypnagogic.”
PSHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!! My psyche is sent rocketing through a series of fractalized mandalas that open and blossom in rapid-fire sequence. Finally, as I bust through the last one (it’s called Going Beyond the Chrysanthemum), I tumble into a plane of light-woven wireframes. Equations drift through the air, combining and unspooling into myriad descriptions of untapped possibility.
I flex my will, instantiating a cybernetic velociraptor under my butt. I pull the reigns on Grimstroke, my faithful dino mount, and he goes galloping through the aether, his alloyed paws sparking with lasers. I squeeze his flanks with my thighs, signaling him to jump over a trio of machinic imps that are using infant galaxies to play a game of jacks.
Suddenly, an earth-shaking titter rocks the virtual-verse. I resist the urge to shit my pants and look toward its source. A giant-boobed, giant-butted cartoon of a human is gabbling on her phone, her surgery-widened eyes ticking across the air as she puts on a practice-honed “omagawd” face.
It’s Kim Kardashian.
I don’t know why she would choose her true form in this unchecked realm of imaginal potential, but that’s how she rolls, I guess. Her vacant eyes tick across the dreamscape, then lock onto mine. Her face crinkles with burning rage.
I point at my chest. “Me? Uh…what did I do?”
“TOO MANY WORDS! RUAAAAHHHH!!!” She begins galloping toward me on all fours, her parts shaking and jiggling like electrocuted jello. In the span of a second, she grows fifty feet tall and wraps her manicured nails around my body.
“AAAAAHHHH!!!” I try to free myself, but it’s no use; she’s too damn strong. She sticks me in between her buttcheeks and starts moving her hips back and forth in an ultra-fast shimmy. BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING!
I’m pinballed back and forth between either cheek, lost in a world of silicone mayhem. With each fleshy bounce, a little more of my sanity unravels. I clutch my head with my hands and let loose with a soul-shattering scream:
It won’t be long before my synapses blow and I’m reduced to a drooling, unresponsive vegetable. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Brrzzzttt! The VR helmet tumbles off my head, sparking and smoking. For a long while, I stare blankly into space, my fingers gripping the armrests of my chair.
Sweet Beelzebub! I know we’re about to launch some cool-ass stuff with VR technology, but at what cost?
AT. WHAT. COST????
Have you plunged into the virtual, only to find it’s been infected with banality like the rest of our beleaguered reality? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast: Logical Idiots! If you want to check it out on YouTube, see it here: Logical Idiots on YouTube and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting! Here’s the iTunes page: Logical Idiots on iTunes. Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜