Flippy flip mcdip! Flippity flip flipowski! Flipoppity flippo flip—
“Kento Watanabe!” my ninja mission partner hisses. “Knock it the fuck off, or I will run my ninjato right up your asshole! We are on a covert mission, for Amaterasu’s sake!”
I finish up a triple twist/aerial barrel roll and land lightly on a beam. “Sorry Hanzo. I just get so psyched up when we actually get to deploy! I can’t wait to throw a shuriken into someone’s face! Or maybe I should blow-dart them! What do you think? I’m gonna blow-dart a smiley-face right on a dude’s unsuspecting dick!”
He slaps me upside the head. “Would you quit talking? Focus on your Shinobi-Ashi—” (ninja walk) “—and shut the fuck up!”
I voice a heavy sigh and keep sliding through the shadows. This fucker’s no fun at all. Once I get back to the village I’m gonna request a new—
“Ninjas! Raise the alarm!”
We look to our left, down at a Zen courtyard, and see two samurai pointing up at us. I turn around and lock eyes with Hanzo.
“Exfil!” he barks.
We both split up, scamper-running in opposite directions. I see him triple-somersault into the night and disappear in a puff of smoke. I’m not so lucky; I jump to a shingled roof, and dozens of arrows bounce off the tiles near my feet.
“We’re gonna fuck you up, ninja scum! I hope you’re ready for some nonconsensual sex with your face and your butt!”
GodDAMMIT! I forgot to bring my suicide pill! If these sadistic fucksticks get their sexually repressed hands on me, then—
FUCK! I feel a ball-and-chain wrap tight around my ankle, and I hit the roof with a pained OOF! I twirl thrice as I get yanked off the roof, and manage to land in a crouch in the middle of the courtyard. Twenty samurai ring me in. Through the glow of paper lanterns, I see them grinning like maniacs under their helmets.
No options left. I bring my hands together in a series of mudras. My consciousness bounds forward into another life, where I’ve written a sci-fi epic known as Echo, and activates its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My already giant hog bursts from my pants, growing into a ten-foot tall Penis Raptor. I cling to its neck as it swivels back and forth, roaring through its pee-slit at my oncoming attackers. They stumble back in fear, burbling out curses and oaths.
“Ha HA!” I yell. “Step the fuck back, you uptight jerkoffs!”
Penis Raptor squats in place, then bounds into the night, briefly silhouetting us in the glaring moon’s luminous center. As I sail through the air, I give the samurai a triumphant grin, along with the double middle finger.
Kent Wayne, Ninja Extraordinaire and Master of Cock, lives to fight another day! Moo hoo ha ha! 😀
Are you trying to get your Ninja on, but your mellow’s being harshed by uptight senior ninjas and stick-up-the-ass samurai? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast: Logical Idiots! If you want to check it out on YouTube, see it here: Logical Idiots on YouTube and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting! Here’s the iTunes page: Logical Idiots on iTunes. Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜