What the wet toilet paper roll is happening, all you fellow cursers of fate who’ve gone to take a dook, given the TP a cursory glance and made sure it was loaded, then realized some nefarious genius has boobytrapped it with an unmentionable bodily fluid, and that you’re now trapped in a diabolical iteration of first-world checkmate? This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo! (And to leave a positive review for it as well! 🙂 ) No worries—Echo doesn’t go into that Geneva Convention-violating practice of peeing on a loaded roll of toilet paper; no way! Echo’s all about flippy flippy pew pew performed by cyborg super-soldiers, dark socioeconomic commentary, robo-beast monsters, and beautiful future wizards! Also, if you’ve read any of my work, please remember to leave a positive review for it on Amazon. It only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to do it; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means). To give you an idea of how Charmin Ultra-Soft amazing positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this: slowly, ever so slowly, you’ve noticed over the years that your neighborhood has grown colder and more sterile. Where there was once but a single SUV, now there are hundreds. Dad-bods abound, all clad in Ed Hardy, all topped by pained scar-like smiles from decades of serving their corporate masters. The kids’ eyes are bright with adderall-inspired glints, and their fangs are sharp and filed, ready to slice through boxes of Caprisun and giant bags of Gushers.
That’s right—you’re trapped in suburbia.
One day, as you’re taking out the trash, every door on your street opens in unison. Dead-eyed parents and their 2.5 children emerge from their homes in perfect lockstep, staring straight ahead like Children of the Corn. As one, they turn toward you. Your trash drops from your numbed fingers and clunks against the pavement.
You start running.
Snarls of, “Why aren’t you married yet??” and “Spawn an adderall-powered child, you nonconformist motherfucker!” chase you as you sprint down the pavement, lungs heaving in a desperate effort to flee the horde of vicious suburbanites. A quick glance over your shoulder reveals each family unit has assumed attack mode: the moms have taken their seats atop their war sleighs, which are pulled by the bro-dads who are now dressed in leather gimp outfits complete with red rubber ball tied firmly into their mouths. The kids are actually doing most of the work; their harnesses strain tight as they pump their tiny, pharmaceutically powered legs, carrying the weight of the sleigh across gritted blacktop as easily as if it were skating-rink ice. This can’t be how it ends, this can’t be how it—
And lo! An eight-packed wizard astride a cyborg velociraptor drops from the trees, galloping alongside you. He asks if you need a lift, and when you nod vigorously, he reaches toward you with his dragonclaw staff. Its talons latch onto the back of your shirt, and—
—send you somersaulting up through the air. You flip several times before landing on the back of the cyborg raptor. The wizard toggles a few switches on his holographic dashboard, and a twinkling portal appears before you; it’s lined with bat-symbols, rainbow mandalas, and colors without names. You and your savior race into it and are transported away to the Enchanted Booty Forest. YES! See that rush of exultant joy that would rush through your mind at having been saved from the daemons of suburbia by a cyber-raptor riding wizard is EXACTLY what we indie authors feel when we get a positive review on Amazon! So do your favorite indie author (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne a forever young favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons! Thank You All and have a Good and Chill Night!!! 🙂 🙂 😀
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition I’m starting a podcast: Logical Idiots! If you want to check out the trailer, see it here: Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting! Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
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