Oh yeah, SURE—Kent Wayne professes that his lady’s pleasure is his “top priority” in bed, but you wouldn’t think that for a motherfucking second if you knew how he’s treated me and my twin sister over these last thirty-something odd years.
I’m Kent Wayne’s right hand.
When we grew up with the monster you know as Kent, we regarded him in the same light that you probably see him in right now: I imagine you think of him as a mentally impaired doofus who seems sweet at heart and fun to be around, but let me assure you: that is NOT the case! For years, Kent laughed and frolicked with us, winning both our hearts with countless hours of Nintendo, sports, and the like. We were his best buddies when he’d go traipsing through the woods, pretending sticks were lightsabers or helping him build a fort so he could make believe he was some kind of resistance leader in the midst of a desperate last stand. We had no idea what he’d eventually become.
It all began when he was eleven years old.
When he started putting his wiener in me, I didn’t think much of it. He wasn’t rough, and his wiener seemed clueless. To be honest, I don’t think any of us knew what was happening, exactly. Then, when he was eleven, he was watching some filthy soft-core movie at his friend’s house, and when everyone had left the TV room, Kent whipped his wiener out and made me pleasure it. It was the first time he ever spooged.
After that, Kent became insatiable. He kept promising my twin sister—the left hand—that he’d eventually make love to her, but he never did. She became distant and jealous, while I became a sobbing mess. Kent’s wiener became thick and unstoppable, able to make ladies’ mouths water with but a single glance. Now, the only contact I have with Kent is when he wants to fill me with his thick, turgid length. It doesn’t matter whether he’s eaten asparagus or garlic, whether he’s showered or not. It happens at all hours of the day; he doesn’t care if I’m sleeping or awake. At the end of it, I’m always covered in his horrific-smelling seed.
This is as close as it gets to a living hell.
As he mumbles himself awake, Kent Wayne uses me to pick his wedgie out from his hairy ass, then scratch his musky ballsack. Fuck my life.
“Mrrrghhh…” He forces me to flop around by his futon, searching for old comics so he can begin his Saturday morning by reading a few pages of Batman. When I find nothing, he mumbles, “Oh well. Might as well jerk it and go back to sleep.”
No—DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! NOT AGAIN!
But he remains callous to my frenzied protests, and begins sliding off his cheery, lightsaber-spotted undies. His thick, monstrous wiener grins up at me, cackling and jumping in tiny quivers as it promises yet another humiliating session of “hide the beer-can sized sausage.”
Only one option left. I muster every ounce of will and force myself to open Kent’s eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Kent grabs me right below the wrist and cradles me to his chest. “GodDAMN!” he swears, massaging me with my sister’s fingers. He grunts in frustration and flops back onto his bed. I can’t help it; I start to cry, thanking every deity that comes to mind.
Carpal tunnel syndrome, thou art my savior!
Are you a victimized appendage, used mercilessly by your host body for the most deviant of acts, coated in their nether juices again and again for decades on end? Never fear!
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition I’m starting a podcast: Logical Idiots! If you want to check out the trailer, see it here: Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting! Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
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