What the analingus (gasp—I know! I’ve referenced a traditionally taboo practice that’s slowly coming into vogue, mwahaha!) is happening, my fellow peeps who’ve understandably turned away from the prospect of sticking your tongue into a gamey, pelt-covered horror-hole which by all indications was made for no such thing and belongs firmly in the realm of cats and dogs (why do they DO that???) This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo! (And to leave a positive review for it as well! 🙂 ) Hey don’t worry! Echo doesn’t go into that mildly unsettling visual of a giant, smelly dude bent over—or in a happy-baby yoga posture—so that his lady can visit a dubious honor upon him which definitely warrants the fanciest date-night you could possibly imagine (all y’all who love Olive Garden say YEEEEEAAAAUUUHHH!!!). No way! Echo’s all about cyborg super-soldiers, dark socioeconomic commentary, robo-beast monsters, and beautiful future wizards! Also, if you’ve read any of my work, please remember to leave a positive review for it on Amazon. It only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to do it; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means). To give you an idea of how non-butthole oriented and super spiffy positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this: you’re belly crawling through a muddy field, teeth gritted in angry determination as you swear under your breath to exact bloody vengeance upon the motherless sons of robo-whores who are currently pursuing you because you’ve dared to tell them that maybe, JUST MAYBE, their white-picket fence lifestyle is valid for them but not for everyone, to include your beautiful-genitaled self. STEP OFF, HOMES! As your neighbors—all with suburbanized names like Tanner, Garrett, Slater, Alyssa, Kaelee, and the like—shed their Ed Hardy-clad personas and rise into the sky on leathery batwings and bombard your position with turbolaser pistol fire, you break from your crawl and start running for the treeline. You whip out the quintiple-encrypted sat-phone the director of Black Ops gave you after that one time you saved the world from a beta-male plague, and key a seven number sequence into its tritium panel. A mild-sounding voice answers your call.
“Sal’s barbershop. How may I direct your call?”
“Protocol delta epsilon Dark Knight pwns Krypton! I need immediate close air support! I say again—IMMEDIATE!”
“I’m sorry—all air assets are currently engaged.”
“ALL of them? What in the—” A chilling screech assaults your ears. Your gargoyle neighbors are closing in.
“We’re in a war against douchebags of all kinds, and we’re losing it. You’re on your own.”
“GodDAMMIT!” You sever comms and try to stuff the satphone back into your pocket, but a well-placed bolt knocks it from your fingers. You swear vehemently and shake your hand, which has just suffered radiative burns from the laser’s peripheral heat. You’re done for. There’s no hope now unless—
SHEEEEEOOOOOOO!!! The Batwing screams through the sky. As it passes above your pursuers, its bomb-bay clinks open and releases a dazzling scatter of monogrammed gift cards. Your enemies are immediately doused in the finest of yuppie bait—shopping sprees for Pier One Imports, the Container Store, Ikea, and Applebee’s. They bank in the air like a flight of birds, then start tearing into each other, verbalizing their loathsome desire for meaningless trinkets with hideous screeches and mind-rending moans. As the Batwing gains altitude, you see Bruce Wayne give you a casual, two-fingered pilot’s salute. Even though he’s wearing an oxygen mask, you can see he’s smiling; the lines around his eyes and temples have compressed into crinkles.
YES! See, that rush of indescribable relief you’d feel at having been saved from certain death at the hands of your crazy-ass suburban neighbors is EXACTLY what we indie authors feel when we get a positive review on Amazon! So do your favorite indie author (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne a bodacious Bat-favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons! Thank you all and have a Good and Chill Night!!! 🙂 🙂 😀
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition I’m starting a podcast: Logical Idiots! If you want to check out the trailer, see it here: Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting! Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
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