Aaaghh…what just happened? Last thing I remember is eating too many spicy sausages and jumping into another dimension. I saw hordes of murderous Insectoids, and in a last ditch effort to survive, I unleashed a tidal wave of horror out from my anus. Now I’ve ended up in…
“Limbo,” a voice says from behind me.
I turn around and lock eyes with a bored, secretarial-looking fella standing at a floating podium. Receding hair line, stooped posture, somewhere in his 70s. He’s paging through a huge, yellowed book.
“Limbo?” I ask shakily.
He glances up from the book and barks out a laugh. “What—did you think you were gonna get through the Pearly Gates? Keep dreaming.”
“Just the opposite,” I reply, looking around and taking in the vast expanse of nothingness stretching out in all directions for as far as the eye can see.
“Well,” Secretary Guy grunts, “you haven’t been THAT horrible. You came close a few times—like when you forced Bernita Cadman to bail from your jet after eating over a dozen spicy sausages and turning your asshole into an unthinkable weapon—but there’s still hope for you.”
“So what now?” I plunk down on my butt, bobbing up and down in the endless black. “What’s there to do around here?”
“Not much,” he replies. “You’ll have to wait like all the other mouth-breathers. Get used to beating off.”
(10 x 10^87563936th power) JERK SESSIONS LATER…
“Goddammit,” I grumble. “I’m sick of stroking my magnificent penis. When you mentioned ‘other mouth-breathers,’ who else were you talking about?”
Secretary Guy throws me a warning look over the tops of his spectacles. “Sure you want to know?”
I throw my hands up. “Bro; I’m lucky I made it into Limbo at all—I’m pretty sure that I’m at the tail-end of whatever waiting list you’re looking at. Let me meet some new people; I need to pass the time.”
“You asked for it.” He claps his hands and a flood of open-letter enthusiasts materialize around me, all gabbling in excited tones:
“Dear angry lady who bumped into me at Home Depot and gave me a dirty look…”
“Dear dog-owner who only picks up their pet’s poop 90% of the time…”
“Dear waiter who forgot to serve dressing on the side…”
“Hey!” I yell. “HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP! THAT’S NOT WRITING—YOU FUCKS JUST WANT ATTENTION FOR PENNING RIGHTEOUSLY WORDED DOGSHIT AND ANNOUNCING IT TO ALL AND SUNDRY! IT’S THE SAME AS IF I CALLED FOR A TOAST AT A FANCY DINNER, WAITED UNTIL EVERYONE WAS LOOKING, THEN SPLATTERED THEIR FACE WITH STINKY ASPARAGUS-CUM! HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR FELLOW MAN, GODDAMN YOU!”
Utter silence. Thousands of eyes turn toward me.
My pendulous balls shrivel in their sack, and I cast a pleading glance at Secretary Guy, who shrugs his shoulders as if to say: “You asked for it.”
“RUAAAAAAHHHH!!!!” A mob of butt-hurt idiots comes rushing at me: imagine an army of coked-up Bridezillas who were suddenly told that the only way to secure a wedding ring was to rip your liver out through your butthole.
So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“AAAAAAAHHHH!!!” I bolt straight up in bed, sweating and gasping. Frogs in a blender, that was scary AF!
Only way to solve this: get on my favorite milf POV website and wank the fear away. But when I flip my laptop open, Secretary Guy’s face shines brightly from the screen.
“Stop flogging your breathtaking dickmeat and finish Echo 4. Your readers are waiting.”
Holy shit—it was all real! As Secretary Guy phases out, I realize I’ve been given a second chance. Now I gotta set aside my never-ending urge to drool over milfs so I can get some work done.
Or risk a near-eternity in a Limbo filled with open-letter enthusiasts. *shudder*
Are you stuck on a dreary plane of reality from which there’s no apparent escape? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
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