“Ruuuhhh…” I point at my zombie friend, Zombie Jack, and let him known that his left forefinger is about to break off.
He holds it up to the light and tilts his head. “Hrrrhh?” (What the hell?) “Ruuuhh!!!” (God DAMMIT!)
I hold my belly, yarking out gravelly laughter. “Ruh huh huh. RUH huh huh!”
Zombie Jack gives me the finger. “Errrghh.” (Lick my scabby nuts, you piece of fuck.)
I shrug. “Buuuhh…” (At least I still have all my fingers.)
At that moment the door bangs open. The roomsis instantly flooded by a horde of lady zombies, all formerly smokin’ hot soccer moms. The lead one points at me.
“Mrrrggghh…” (That’s the one with the giant hog. Be gentle—if it still works we’ll be able use it.) She looks at Jack. “Uuuuhhh…” (kill this one—he looks dumb and micro-phallused.)
We both start shambling away, panic building in our rotted hearts. The moms outnumber us, and their neuromuscular mechanisms are significantly more intact; some of them don’t even shamble, they’re able to full-on walk. In a matter of seconds, Zombie Jack falls beneath their grasping hands.
“NNNNNN…” (Keep going, Kent! It’s too late for me!)
I turn around and feel my tear ducts twitch; they’ve been dry for decades, but if they still worked, I’d be sobbing. “BRUUUHHH….” (WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??? WHO WOULD WANT DRY ZOMBIE-DICK? THIS IS SO GROSS!!!)
Four soccer moms tear apart Jack in a matter of seconds. As the rest keep pursuing me, the lead soccer mom snaps: “Yuuurrr….” (Shut the hell up, nameless whore! Zombie women have needs too!)
Two of them tackle me, bringing me down to the floor. As my desiccated jaw hits the floor it breaks off. Before it clatters away, I feel it smack against something familiar.
My eReader. Christ, I thought it had been lost in the Insectoid Wars of 2098!
I flip it open to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Eldritch lightning blasts down from the heavens, wreathing me and the soccer moms in miraculous energies. We levitate off the ground, seizing and twitching as it reaches deep into our cells, transforming blighted horror into fresh, healthy tissue. A moment later, we collapse into a pile of heaving, naked bodies. The lead soccer mom scrambles over to me, her eyes ticking back and forth across my pelvis.
“His hog! Dear God, please tell me it’s—” she pushes aside a half-conscious mom and grabs hold of my thick, veiny length. “YES!” She turns her face up to the heavens, clutching at the air with her free hand. “BY THE STERILE, SUBURBAN GLORY OF THE CONTAINER STORE! HIS HOG IS INTACT!”
For a long moment we all look at each other. If this were a nineties sitcom, you’d hear the chirp of crickets. Then I nod at my gasp-inducing wiener.
“You gonna do something with that?”
Dozens of soccer moms look me up and down. Some of them dart their tongues out and lick their lips.
Chika-BOWWOW! *70s porn music*
The adventures of your favorite author (and consummate Man Whore) Kent Wayne continue! 😀
Are you a world-weary zombie in search of a little bit o’ love? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Echo is now available in paperback: Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined edition in paperback #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book