“Fly Leader—this is Fly 5, coming in for an annoyance run.”
“We’ve got your flanks; you are clear to engage, Fly 5.”
BzzzZZZZZZZZzzz! I swoop by Kent Wayne’s sleeping body, brushing his eyelashes with the tips of my wings. He grumbles and swears—razzumfrazzumI’llfuckstartyourbuttholes—and swipes at the air. I beat my wings, pull out of a steep dive, and bank right. The rest of my squadron follows.
“Good job, Fly 5! That face-tickle was one in a million!”
“Just the beginning, Fly Leader—just the beginning. Let’s see if we can pull off a nose-hole landing.”
Panic creeps into Fly Leader’s voice. “That’s a no-go, Fly 5! The odds of surviving a nose-hole landing are—”
“Never tell me the odds! I’m going in.” BzzzZZZZ! I loop around, arrowing toward Kent’s nose-hole.
“Fly 5. Fly 5! GodDAMMIT! The rest of you knuckleheads protect his flanks! Fly 5, you and I are going to have a SERIOUS chat when we—”
Fly Leader keeps talking, but I’ve stopped listening. My entire being is utterly focused on Kent’s nostrils. Say what you want about him, but he plucks and blows on a regular basis, so I don’t have to worry about gross booger-traps.
His hand reaches into his pants. He scratches his nuts, burps, and farts out a silent hisser.
“Fly Leader, he’s just deployed a silent hisser. Be advised: regulate your breathing and slow your wing-beats.”
“Copy that. Slow your pace, squadron; make sure you’re not sucking air in too fast. Nobody passes out, you hear me?”
A chorus of “Rogers” sounds through the air.
Here it comes. I touch lightly down on his upper lip and start crawling toward his nose. Everything seems to be going well; he’s snoring and muttering, deep in REM sleep. All I gotta do is—
Then his right hand flails to the side, knocking his eReader off his nightstand. It opens to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
I can hear his asshole widening—dear God, it’s like the gates of Hell have just ripped open. All kinds of farts—Machine-gun Stutter, Big Booty Clap, Runaway Air Hose—blast, bleat, and seethe from Kent Wayne’s rectum.
I take to the sky, screaming, “EVASIVE MANEUVERS! EVASIVE MANEUVERS!”
It’s too late; my squadron-mates start dropping like they’ve just been shot by Tunguska 30 mm. Tears stream from my multifaceted eyes as I watch my fellow flies dying by the handful.
“I’m sorry!” I wail. “I’m so fucking sor—”
A cloud of gas floods my lungs. It all goes black.
I wish I’d listened to Fly Leader.
I wish I hadn’t gone for the nose-hole.
I wish I’d—
Are you being annoyed by a tenacious group of flies? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book