Last thing I remember is choking on a mouthful of pizza…
SHLOOP! I experience a brief twisting the sensation, a light-speed blur of nonsensical images, then find myself staring at a naked Gary Busey; he’s throwing his head back, roaring with laughter.
“AHAHAHAHA! BRING ON THE NEXT ONE!!!”
Demon guards prod us forward with flaming pitchforks. Ragged people shuffle across a magma-reddened cavern. At the front of the line, a harried dude looks wildly from side-to-side.
“NO!” he yells. “NO PLEASE WAI—”
SHLOOP! Gary Busey sits on the man’s head and it disappears into Gary’s butthole.
“HEEE HEE HEEEEE!!! IT TICKLES!”
Sh’POP! The man’s head makes a sucking noise as it pops out of Gary’s rectum. The poor guy’ staring at nothing, voicing long, wordless wails. The line moves forward—one by one, people get a stark look at the inside of his colon—and in a few minutes, I’m standing before Gary effin’ Busey.
“You’re next!” a demon hisses. “ON YOUR KNEES, CHATTEL!”
“No!” I scream. “NO!”
A hot pitchfork presses into my shoulder, forcing me to kneel. Garey Busey hooks his fingers into his spotted tightey-whiteys and pulls ’em down, giving me a full view of his backside. (and in case you’re wondering: no, he doesn’t shave). I find myself confronted by something that resembles a mutant tarantula.
“AHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” I’m thrashing, writhing, but the demons hold me fast with their red-taloned hands. In the midst of my fit, my eReader drops from my pocket and opens to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Everything around me freezes in place.
A bored voice booms through the air: “What a surprise. Kent Wayne ends up in Hell.”
“What…what…” My eyes widen. “Are you Go—”
“I go by many names. Your dumbass prayers are always addressed to Batman and Crom, but they all come to me.”
I slowly stand up. “Uh, so…how do I get outta here?”
“Finish Echo 4. Stop goggling at MILF porn, stop flexing in the mirror, and for fuck’s sake, stop zooming around with your arms out, making airplane noises with your mouth. You’re a grown man.”
Next thing I know, I’m back in my studio.
I drop to my knees, crying in gratitude…but wait! Something’s on my computer! A new MILF video I haven’t yet see—
And then I clearly envision Gary Busey’s horrifying starfish. An involuntary shudder racks my body.
I pull up a chair and open MS word. I close my eyes. Deep breath.
When I open my eyes, I’m ready to work on Echo 4.
(Because the other option is to be driven insane by Gary Busey’s colon.)
Have you neglected your sacred duty and been sent to Hell for your foolish transgression? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book