My fellow frog and Honolulu zoo-mate, Ribbo McLizard, corners me by a rock. His bulging eyes dart from side to side.
“How long have you been here, Kibbert Wibbert?”
“Not long,” I reply. “Why?”
He looks furtively over his shoulder. “You haven’t heard of Face Fucker?”
I muffle a snort. “Who the hell is ‘Face Fucker?’ ”
His lips quiver. “It’s not funny. November 11, 2004.” Ribbo closes his eyes. “I can picture it like it was yesterday. Briney McHopper’s practicing to be the next Michigan J. Frog.” He begins singing under his breath in a cracked, broken voice: ’Hello my baby, hello, my honey, hello my—’ ” He opens his eyes, and they bug out of his head like he’s being strangled. “Then Face Fucker the Chimp fucks the hell out of Briney’s face. ‘AHGODPLEASEHELPHLLLGGGLOOORRP!!!’ That’s exactly what he said: ‘ahpleasegodhelphlllggglooorrp.’ The mom who was filming it was laughing the entire time.”
“So where is this Face Fucker?” I glance around the cage. “It’s just us frogs.”
“Sick bay. The zookeepers had to give him a round of—”
Someone screams: “IT’S FACE FUCKER! AND HE’S WITH HIS FRIENDS!”
Ribbo bleats, “Save your face, Kibbert!” before scrambling under a pile of hay. All throughout the enclosure, frogs run for cover. I’m sprinting toward the pond, where I can hide beneath an underwater overhang, when I see three chimps enter the exhibit.
“Ooh, easy with the harness, human guy!” Face Fucker turns to his two buddies. “Yeah, you guys’ll love it in here. Some days I stick my filthy chimpanzee cock into a dozen frogs. You know how humans are always talking about AI sex dolls? Fuck the robots, bro; they ain’t shit compared to an amphibian’s—” his gaze ticks casually across the enclosure…then lasers in on me. “There’s one right there! Let’s fuck his face!” Three huge-ass chimps—all sporting dirty, unshaven boners—come charging at me.
Their shadows stretch long across the ground, eclipsing the sun. As Face Fucker snatches me up, his other buddies shake their fists, chanting, “FACES ARE FOR FUN! FACES ARE FOR FUN!” I try to push his fingers with my froggy forelegs but it’s no use; chimps are as strong as ten humans put together. I feel him fiddling with my mouth and a surge of panic rushes through me.
No options left. I send my psyche rocketing into the annals of existential possibility, where I incarnate as a sci fi author named Kent Wayne. I mentally tap into his epic story, the one called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Muscle explodes across my frame. My spine lengthens, and my head grows thick and prothagonous. In a matter of seconds, I’ve morphed into one of my alternate incarnations, the savage and vicious gigantopithecus (it’s like a 10 foot tall Bigfoot) known as Kunt Wog.
“RUAAAAHHHH!!!” I beat my chest with basketball-sized fists. “ME KUNT WOG! ME AM ANGRY!”
“Now hold on.” Face Fucker holds up his hands, palms out. “Let’s stop the simian-on-simian violence. There’s plenty of faces to—”
“KUNT WOG NO FUCK FACES; KUNT WOG PUNCH ASSHOLES!”
The chimps jump on me, biting and snarling, but they’re no match for my giant, six-foot arms. I grab hold of Face Fucker’s wrist and slam him to the deck—like Hulk did with Loki in the first Avengers. As he staggers away, I bound forward in a leaping Superman punch, scissoring my legs to add extra torque to my right cross as it goes rocketing into his asshole and out through his mouth. My gore-coated fist keeps going, and I grab a chimp skull and squish it into a brain-riddled mess.
(It may be gruesome, but these dickheads deserve it; I’m saving hundreds of frogs from a surprise face-fucking.)
As I tear the chimps into bloody, bite-size bits, my amphibious brethren cheer me on. After my enemies lay dead and mangled, I pound my chest and howl in triumph.
All hail the monkey king Kunt Wog! Ook ook AWK!
Are you a hapless frog in the confines of the Honolulu zoo, recounting the horrors of November 11, 2004? (The Youtube video is horrifying, amusing, and makes you question who’s running the universe). Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book