“How you doing in there, Kent?” Professor Miller asks. Miller’s in charge of my self-reflexive neural interface—a semi-immersive VR rig that allows me to plumb the depths of my own consciousness.
“Um…” I flinch away from a school of penises that writhe around me like moray eels. “There’s a lot of dicks in here…a lot more than I expected…”
Miller laughs reassuringly. “Come on Kent—we’ve already confirmed through dream analysis that 90% of your mental resources are always on the lookout for the next dick joke.”
“Oh. Right.” I watch two giant cocks activate their shaft-mounted jetpacks and fly off into a solar system made of pizza. “Hey, I think I’ve had enough of exploring my own mind…it’s a little weird in here. Think you can let me out?”
“Sure thing,” Miller replies. “Let me just deactivate your haptokinetic sheathing…” I hear a series of clicks. “…downregulate your electrotactile stim-net…right. There you go—back to the real world.”
I look around, glancing at a bevy of bat-winged dicks with cybernetic scrotums. “I’m still in here, professor. Did you forget something?”
His voice becomes puzzled. “No, that should’ve booted you out. Hold on lemme check your synaptic tiedowns…”
“MOO HOO HA HA HA!”
“AAARRRGHH!” I clutch my virtual head and squint my eyes shut. That laughter felt like a T-rex stomping around inside my fucking brainpan!
MOO HOO HA HA HA HA!!!
I stumble through my mind, careening through a school of writhing octopi that have dicks for tentacles and scrotes for bodies. After regaining my focus, I instantiate a floating disc of light and step onto it, looking around for the source of the laughter. My eyes lock onto a dark cloud of miasmic fog. Its edges slither and shift, forming into an army of evil nerdy faces—Grammar Nazis, accountants, beat-to-shit corporate managers—that grin and leer at me.
“What are you?” I ask shakily.
“I AM THE DARK WITHIN YOUR SOUL, KENT—I AM YOUR UNTAPPED POTENTIAL TO BECOME A DICKLESS, NONCREATIVE FUCK THAT WHILES AWAY THE HOURS IN A MEDIOCRITY-INDUCED HAZE! MOO HOO HA HA HA!”
“NYAAAHHH!” I stagger drunkenly in place. When my ears stop ringing, I touch my fingers to the end of my nose. Their shaking tips are dotted with blood.
“Kent!” the professor yells. “You’ve just suffered a minor cerebral hemorrhage! I can repair the damage, but you have to get out NOW!”
“Working…on it,” I gasp.
But I can already tell I’m no match for this testerone-free, squat-deprived evil. So I plunge five layers down, into the heart of my psyche, and tap the roiling story idea called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Suddenly, every cock in my immediate vicinity arrows toward the fog-entity. Its multiple faces look wildly around, abruptly panicked by the tide of dicks.
X-wing cocks, dinosaur cocks, Voltron cocks, Bat-cocks…they all go to town on the drabbest aspect of my Man Child soul, slicing it apart in a storm of penis.
“CALL YOUR COCKS OFF, KENT! CALL THEM—AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
They keep attacking, blasting my enemy with lasers, cutting it with swords, inundating it with attack-sperm (yep—I just made that up, and I’m proud as hell of it). The neural lock on my consciousness withers and fades, and the virtual rig lifts off my head. I’m back in the real world.
“Jesus Kent,” Miller sputters. “What the hell was THAT?”
“Come on.” I grin. “Isn’t your inner child composed of an inexhaustible army of fantastical penises?”
He stares at me for a long moment, then shakes his head and grins.
“Kent Wayne. You magnificent bastard.”
Is the Adulting Aspect of yourself taking hold of your psyche and pooping all over your life? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book