Ruff! Me am big lovable Labrador Kent Wayne! All day long I think “Dog dog dog dog dog…DOG!” I chase mailman buddy until he pays obeisance to me with pitiful human screams! All fear my big smelly body which is super ripped due to a rigorous regimen of doggie-sthenics!
Hmmm…what to do today…perhaps more dogging…but I dog every day, so maybe something different. Maybe I unify standard model and quantum theory, or solve conundrum of interstellar flight…
Nah. All sounds boring. Time for more DOGGING!
Dog dog dog dog doggg…I dog my way out of house, then dog my across street, then say hi to my fellow dog buddies Goofus Roofus and Professor Oatmeal.
“Rowf orf mcbarkskies!” (How are you scallawags doing this fine San Francisco morning? Have you studied the latest offerings from De Landa or Deleuze?)
“Arfo mcroof rowfologist rex!” (Our prodigious minds have been focused on the latest upticks in oil and gold, as well as contemplating the benefits of wearing a raccoon hat whilst smoking a pipe. But believe you me, Kent, tackling De Landa is next on our list.)
“Bark-o-face! Rowf rooarfo arooo—” (I see, I see. I was just about to dig some giant holes. Would you fellows care to join—wait, what’s that???)
We all turn and look up the street. Monster horde of not-dogs is coming! Wave upon wave of chihuahuas! Fido save us!
I tell Goofus and Oatmeal to run and live, but my brave foolish buddies take up attack position. Chihuahuas overwhelm Goofus and Oatmeal like evil swarm of stingy creatures, and my Buddies For Life fall under unending tide of gnashing faces. I run back into house, crying and blubbering. Goofus! Oatmeal! Why would you make last stand like canine version of Boromir? You beautiful, magnificent idiots!
Little not-dogs flood through doggy door, infesting my home with their evil not-dogness. Only one option left, I run over to eReader and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
RUAAAAAHHHH!!! Eldritch lightning crashes down from the sky, enveloping my body and transforming me into one of my favorite incarnations: Kunt Wog, 9-foot tall gigantopithecus and cyborg assassin. Not only is half my body made from techno-organic metal, I also possess the unstoppable strength of a giant ape-monster.
The chihuahuas come at me in a tide of pure malice, and I start smashing faces and pulling guts out buttholes. My metal left arm transforms into a million-round-per-minute multi-jointed Gatling cannon, and a glowing green data monocle extends from the left half of my skull (also metal) and flips down over my left eye, feeding me a barrage of kinetic data. In the next few seconds, I mow through evil not-dogs like a desperate suburban father expressing his pain and agony through his middle-age-crisis-inspired, tricked-out lawnmower. BUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDA!
All hail the monkey king Kunt Wog! Ook ook AWK!
Are you a friendly goofy labrador who’s being chased by an evil horde of not-dogs? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book