IN THE YEAR 2030, THE BOY-ELF HYBRID KNOWN AS JUSTIN BIEBER ASCENDED TO POWER, DOMINATING THE WORLD THROUGH HIS USE OF PHYSICS-DEFYING ABILITIES SUCH AS TELEKINESIS AND DARK SIDE-LIGHTNING. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE ANYMORE, AS HE WEARS A SAURON-STYLE SUIT OF ARMOR 24/7. NO ONE KNOWS THE REASON BEHIND HIS HATE OR HIS TYRANNY. UNFORTUNATELY, YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR AND PERENNIAL MAN CHILD KENT WAYNE HAS BEEN CAUGHT IN HIS CLUTCHES…
“Keep moving, worm!” The Belieber jams an electro-prod halberd into my back. “Unless you want me to shock you again!”
“No, please!” I gasp, stumbling forward and pushing off the ground with my dirty, rope-bound hands. “I haven’t slept for days! All I’ve had to eat is moldy bread and—”
She cuts me off with a harsh laugh. “Do you think I CARE? You shouldn’t have wrote those ads, Kent!”
“Which ones? I only wrote a few about Justin, and those were done when he was still human. Why does—”
She smacks me in the back of the head, and a pained yelp flies from my chapped lips. “Lord Bieber has taken umbrage to your condemnation of Grammar Nazis! He enjoys spirited debates about the Oxford Comma! Now MOVE!”
Justin Bieber’s a Grammar Nazi. Figures.
After marching through Bieber’s Torture Catacombs, the Belieber pushes me through a door which opens into his throne room. Guttering torch light gives way to resplendent luminescence. The throne room is lit by cutting edge holographics, all of which splash across the jade-and-marble floor. In the center of the room sits the Dark Lord himself, atop an enormous throne comprised of his enemies’ gilded skulls.
“The great Kent Wayne,” he rumbles. “I’d offer you something to eat, but seeing as how I’m about to turn your stomach lining inside out, I’d prefer you have nothing in your system, as it spares us some mess.” He gestures with his craggy gauntlet. “Put him on his knees.”
The Belieber digs her electro-halberd painfully into the base of my neck, and I’m forced to kneel. “What went wrong, Justin Bieber? How could you turn from an obnoxious boy-elf into a demonic scourge that’s turned the Earth into a giant prison camp?”
His chin dips, and the glowing red orbs that serve as his eyes dim in regret. “I do not know,” he whispers. “There was something denied to me, but I can no longer remember what it was…” His crimson gaze locks onto me. “It doesn’t matter—not anymore. Your time is up, Kent Wayne.”
No options left. I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A bolt of eldritch lightning crashes down from the sky, enveloping Bieber in a blaze of energy. He throws his arms back and screams at the sky.
“WHAT DEVILRY IS THIS??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, KENT WAAAAAAYYYYYNYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGHHHHH!!!!”
His armor begins clanking off him, revealing his human form. In a matter of seconds, he’s standing naked before us, and everyone winces in disgust at his tiny, shriveled penis. Good God, it looks like someone frightened a baby acorn…then Sub-Zero blasted it with his ninja ice-magic. But that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is that his minuscule balls have dropped into his scrotum.
The lightning cuts off, and he looks down, juggling his BB sized sack with the tip of his finger. “What the…” he looks up at us with dawning amazement. “My balls…they just dropped!” Then he roars in a voice both clear and fair: “MY BALLS HAVE DROPPED!”
Shortly after, a golden age sweeps the Earth, humanity colonizes the stars, and we quickly morph into god-like beings capable of bending reality itself. Yep, it was our destiny all along; we were just suffering from a tiny setback. And courtesy of yours truly, that setback is now behind us.
You’re welcome. 😉
Are you at the mercy of a pubically stunted daemon-ruler? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book