Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Bitefighter—my loyal Buddy for Life and 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire—lowers a piece of pizza to my mouth.  As he does so, I provide voice-over narration:

“Delivery guy’s using a slice for cover.  He’s almost to the plane.  What do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO, HOTSHOT???”

Bitefighter locks gazes with me for a tense, earth-shattering second.

I scream:  “EAT THE HOSTAGE!!!”  Then I lunge forward and maow down on the pizza.  Omnomnommogglenomfnommers!

After I’m finished, he gives me a high five with his tiny furry paw.  Suddenly, alarms begin blaring inside our home, the Bitemobile.  (It’s a tech-ed out dumpster fitted with batteries of particle-beam weaponry and electrogravitic thrusters).  We scramble out into the surrounding alley and lock gazes with the grodiest man alive:

Gary Busey.

He grins maliciously and says, “Pop quiz, hotshots—the nastiest-looking man to ever walk the Earth is standing in front of you.  He’s slowly stripping down to his bare testicles, which he hasn’t shaved in well over a decade, and now look like mutant tarantulas.  What do you do?”

Garey undoes two buttons on his shirt, giving us a glimpse of his pimply, old man chest.  Me and Bitefighter are hit with a psychic blast of pure nausea; we drop to our knees, clutching our stomachs and gasping in pain.  Every pedestrians in a hundred yard radius falls to the ground like they’ve been shot by a sniper, their noses and ears pouring with blood.

“P-p-p-please,” I manage.

He takes off his shirt, revealing a pale, liver-spotted stomach, and repeats, “What do you DO?”

My eyes fill with blood and I vomit up pink sputum.  A nearby tree screams in pain, then withers into dust.

He keeps going, taking off his jeans and stripping down to a happy-face dotted speedo.  Oh god, I can’t take this…there’s no way I’ll be able to see his weiner and keep my organs from exploding like coke-soaked pop-rocks…

So I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Suddenly, a mandala-threaded portal opens beneath me and Bitefighter.  We drop into it, and we find ourselves flying on the backs of talking pterodactyls, high above a magic land filled with busty elves and glowing swords.

My God—the Enchanted Booty Forest.

We exchange a high-five and pump our fists, ready to go buck-nuts wild like the craze-faced malcontents that we both are.

The adventures of Man Child and Bitefighter continue!  😀

 

If the grodiest fella to ever walk the earth performs a slow strip tease in front of you, never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

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2 thoughts on “Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

  1. OMG! I nearly spit coffee at my computer screen when I read the comment about the tree screaming in pain. I can barely type this because my eyes are swimming with unshed tears of laughter. I know everyone in my office thinks I’m insane because in a totally silent room where nothing is happening, I just began giggling like a hyena from The Lion King.

    Liked by 2 people

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