Skip skap sk’doo! Man Child Kent Wayne has escaped from the zoo!
The year is 2873, and Man Children everywhere have been yanked from their natural habitats (beanbag sofas, pizza parlors, go-kart domes) and stuck in giant zoos run by alpha soccer moms. For the past few months, I’ve been fed nothing but organic quinoa and baked salmon. Fuck that noise—I need me some pepperoni PEECHA! NOMS!
As yoked-ass soccer mom zookeepers chase me through mobs of zoo-goers, I hoot and gibber whilst scrambling on all fours, having the motherfreakin’ time of my fuzz-nutted life! Ook ook AWK!
I cut left and rip off my shirt, exposing my bare torso, complete with palm-sized hair-patch between my pecs. As I rush past a quartet of soccer moms, I lock gazes with them. One of their eyelids droops halfway closed, and she traces a yearning finger across the base of her throat. The others gets nipple boners; from the pencil-erasers printed on their blouses, you’d think it was a legit Minnesota negative 30.
(Score! Man Child win! 😀 )
I grab an archway, and—PARKOUR!—lever my body around it, using my belly as a fulcrum. An instant later, I’m running across its top and I yank off my pants, stripping down to the booty shorts. My pursuers clamber awkwardly up onto the archway, swearing like caricatures of New York cops chasing a young ne’er-do-well over a high fence. I leap onto a skywalk, sprint towards the end of it and jump off its edge, bicycling my arms and legs for distance, and—
—grab hold of a line of dangling Christmas lights and use it like a rope-swing. As I soar over the heads of gaping zoo-goers I slide further down the line, scraping away clusters of lights, causing sparks and snaps to fill the air. I make it over to another skywalk, and a glaring EXIT sign looms at the end of it.
A few dozen yards and I’m home free. Free to watch Rick n’ Morty, free to wear nothing but booty shorts all day, every day. Free to eat entire meals consisting of nacho cheese…
I hear the snap of an opened soda can: PSHHHFZZZZSSSSsssss…
I turn around and my heart drops.
“Come and get it, Kent! Come and get your treat!” A dozen feet down, a soccer mom zookeeper is holding an open can of Code Red Mountain Dew. I can see its aperture bubbling with crisp carbonation, promising my brain a flood of sugary goodness. My muscles begin trembling, and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut.
Before I know it I’ve jumped down from the skywalk and I’m galloping toward that ambrosial nectar, my tongue hanging from my mouth and plastered against my cheek. Teams of soccer moms deploy their nets, surrounding me in a haze of unbreakable fibers. I thrash and writhe, cursing my weak, Mountain Dew-craving brain.
Only one option left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Bitefighter—my loyal buddy and 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire—emerges from a mandala-lined portal, blasting toward me in our home and transport: a custom-modded dumpster equipped with enhanced flight capabilities. A glowing green data-monocle over his right eye lights up as he deploys ninja stars from the dumpster’s front-facing ports. Their black-steel edges slice through my nets, and he races by, he reaches out with a tiny paw and—
—slings me up onto the dumpster’s hull. I hang on with one hand to the external ladder, limbs flailing wildly as he fires the side-thrusters and cuts a j-turn. As we race away, I bring my other hand around, secure my body onto the hull, and climb inside our dumpster/home/escape vehicle. Once I’m inside, he guns the rocketry and we slingshot away into the clear sunny blue.
The adventures of Man Child and Bitefighter continue! 😀
Have you been confined to some futuristic zoo where you’re poked, prodded, and jeered at? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book