Doo be freakin’ doo…another fine day of makin’ poo! Before you make the “gross face” let me explain:
My name is Kentobacillus 1. I’m a lactobacillus Commander in Kent Wayne’s gut. My daily duty is to break down heaps of New York pizza, mountain dew, and nacho cheese into steel-jacking fuel. Not gonna lie, it’s been a pretty good life; all of us lactobacilli have a great working relationship, and we’ve specifically evolved to handle the fizzy ambrosia (mountain dew) that Kent Wayne chugs on a daily basis. Indeed, Kent’s diet may kill or cripple a normal human, but through his freaky genetics, he’s able to process the unending flow of utter crap that flows down his gullet. Our lacto division can handle all manner of mountain dew—from code red to Call of Duty game fuel. Yep, you could even go so far as to say we’re kind of an elite level—
REEE! REEE! REEE!
What the Nuts??? I turn to my sublieutenant: Kentobacillus 2.
“What the fuck is going on Kentobacillus 2? Why is the alarm sounding?”
A panicked expression dances across his plasm. “I don’t know, sir! We’re getting an influx of foreign matter. Supposedly it’s organic—”
(Organic! May the host-body save us!)
“—and it’s coming in fast! We’re still waiting on intel reports from the neural pathways; we suspect it’s—”
The cry comes from one of the guard bacteria. Heaps of healthy plant matter come tumbling down Kent Wayne’s gullet. Kentobacillus 2 gapes at it, horrified, then turns back to me.
“We haven’t evolved to handle this! What the FUCK ARE WE GOING TO—”
I slap him across the plasm. “Get a hold of yourself Kento 2! We need to—”
“Sir!” My comms bacteria Kentobacillus 3 runs up to me, panting and gasping. “We’ve just received word that Kent Wayne has fallen under the sway of a hot vegan! She’s put him on strict diet of rabbit food! Muscles are atrophying…ballsack’s reporting a giant drop in testosterone…we’re all gonna die! Game over man—GAME FUCKING OVER!”
My gaze narrows. Only one option left. I reach deep into Kent Wayne’s psyche, tapping the seeds of his sci fi epic Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“Sir!” Kentobacillus 3 yells. “He’s just broken up with the vegan! Apparently, she couldn’t withstand his nighttime flatulence! She says he’s farted himself awake one time too many times!”
A roar explodes from the assembled lactobacillus: “HUZZAH!”
I lean back and breathe a sigh of relief. Holy white blood cell! That was a close one!
Are your stomach bacteria protesting your change of diet? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book