“Wicker-woo! Blessed Be! You’re the answer to our problems, Kent! May the pixie spirits work their magic through your hirsute form!”
I shift on my knees and strain against my manacles. “Hrrgh…this isn’t…exactly…the best way…to show your appreciation.”
The New Age vegan flaps a dismissive hand, then adjusts her pointy hat. “Oh nonsense! We know all about your propensity to escape from the clutches of high-powered soccer moms, or the confines of Adulting Academy. The manacles are simply a precautionary measure.”
I strain against them again. “What do you plan on doing with me?”
A sly glint comes into her eye. “Through a process known as mystical vivisection, we can extract your creative essence—use your Man Child abilities to provide endless fuel for our New Age propaganda machine.”
“Mystical vivisection…sounds as pleasant as dooking out a spiked baseball bat.”
She wrinkles her face. “Ugh…see—this is why we need to reappropriate your talents. They’re wasted on asinine poppycock.”
“And the side effects would be…”
She shrugs. “Nothing serious—you’d experience a moderate reduction in muscle mass, and a significant lessening of penile girth. You’d still be able to—”
“YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!” I roar. Then I shimmy my hips so my eReader falls out of a hidden compartment in my booty shorts. It opens to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Pop! A fully formed Kent Wayne doppleganger winks into existence, looking around and laughing maniacally.
P’doop! Another one tumbles through a portal and gallops away on all fours, hooting and huffing like an ape in heat.
Zap! Another one!
Soon, the room is filled with dozens of Kent Waynes, all telling dick jokes, executing pratfalls, and scratching their unmentionables. One off them frees me from my chains and I beat my chest and gibber like a chimp—ook ook AWK! I run out of the New Ager internment camp, emitting copious amounts of brain-shriveling flatulence as I gallop through their halls. The last thing I hear is my jailer’s plaintive cry, following me into the courtyard as I make my escape.
“YOU DAMN DIRTY KENTS! GOD DAMN YOU—GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLLLL!!!!”
The zany adventures of Man Child continue!
Have you been trapped in a BO-ridden New Age internment camp? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book