I wake up and give Bitefighter—my loyal buddy and 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire—some scratchies on the back and a few behind the ears. He responds with a sleepy grumble.
Murrgh…I roll out of bed in my Batman onesie. I’m about to start my daily ablutions, when I hear a piercing scream ring through the sky.
What the hell???
I open the door to my studio, glancing wildly around and trying to figure out where that sound came from. A black helicopter lowers onto my lawn, whipping my hair into a wild flurry. The grass flattens as the helo touches down, and funnels of dust swirl up around the skids.
A four-man team of special operators hops off and hustles up to me. The lead guy screams, “KENT WAYNE?”
“YOU HAVE EXPERTISE WITH NERDS! COME WITH US!”
I get on the chopper and we take off.
A SHORT WHILE LATER:
One of the spec-ops guys points at the target-house, at the west-facing window. His voice comes through loud and clear into my headset.
“That four-eyed dorkface has been flogging his hog for the last five days. Typically, we’d just point and laugh, but our scientists have informed us that this nerd is special—he’s a quantum nexus for all nerdish hate, and the more he beats his pathetic dick, the higher the chance that he hulks out. And if that happens, he’ll go apeshit and destroy the city.”
I look closer at the nerd; he’s fucking his fist with the fury of a thousand suns. He throws his head back and roars at the sky.
“Okay,” I say. “Get me on the ground.”
The chopper touches down and I hop off. I walk up to the window and knock twice. The nerd turns toward me, eyes bugging behind his coke-bottle thick glasses. His pasty fist continues pistoning.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” A string of drool flies from his lips.
“Can you stop punishing your cock and talk with me for like five minutes?”
He shakes his head. “I feel the power building within me…soon, all those assholes who made fun of me will feel my wrath!”
I hold both hands up in a conciliatory gesture. “Look—I too have thrown the twenty-sided dice! I too know the indescribable glory of playing a fighter/mage/thief!”
His fist slows down and a confused look comes into his eye. “But you don’t…what are you…”
“I’m a Daywalker—nerd at heart, but I can pass as a jock! I inhabit both worlds—none of their weaknesses, all of their strengths! Just like Blade, man! Ring a bell? Yeah dude—it’s possible to have a high IQ and a honed imagination and NOT look like the comic book guy from the Simpson’s! All you gotta do is eat clean, do some exercise, and go outside every now and then!”
“Daywalker…” His eyes soften and for a heart-stopping second I think I’ve gotten through to him…then his expression hardens. “NO! ALL WILL PAY FOR THEIR TRANSGRESSIONS!” His fist blurs into a vibrating crackle, and he throws his head back again.
Corded muscle bursts from his body, and his clothes rip apart like Bruce Banner’s. His head grows squat and wide, and six-inch fangs extend from his prothagonous jaw. His once-laughable cock now looks as thick and imposing as a heavy-duty nautical line.
He stands up, roars at the sky, then crashes through his bedroom ceiling, arcing through the air and landing on the lawn. The spec-ops guys open fire, and I hear the tink of 5.56 cracking off the nerd’s indestructible body.
“Shoot the cock! SHOOT THE COCK!”
“We’re FUCKED if we don’t—”
“He’s walking toward us! Final protective fire, goddammit!”
“Machine gun’s dry! I’m empty, man—I just went Winchester!”
“RAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” The nerd-hulk leaps through the chopper. The helo, the troops, and the monster disappear in a spectacular blaze of fiery death.
No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Two things appear in my hands. My right hand is clutching an assortment of multi-sided dice. My left is filled with a fistful of protein powder.
“HEY!” I jiggle the dice. “Come and level up, big boy!” He turns slowly, and locks his behemoth gaze on to me. “Yeah!” I yell, continuing to shake the dice. “Wanna roll character traits? Saving throw against cone of frost? Come and get you some!”
The monster starts galloping toward me on all fours, plowing up clods of earth with his cinder-block hands. He leaps toward me and—
—I throw the dice high in the air and snap-roll right. He touches down with an enormous crash, grabbing at the dice with gnarled fingers.
Exactly as I hoped.
While he’s distracted, I throw the protein powder into his face. His nerd allergy to protein kicks in; he coughs and gasps, stumbling back and pawing at the air. In a few seconds, his skin begins melting and he clutches at his now-runny eyes, letting loose with a series of panicked howls.
And then he explodes.
I duck and cover, protecting my face from a rain of gore. After liquefied organs stop falling from the sky, I lay back and breathe a sigh of a relief.
Whew! That was a close one!
Is your existence threatened by a nerd who’s about to channel world-crushing rage through an admittedly unclear process where he beats off and becomes a rampaging Hulk? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book