My Ex has lured me into a trap, but I don’t know it—not yet.
We’re at the Cheesecake factory, sharing a meal in the hope we can continue our relationship as amiable acquaintances. I’ve just finished lifting and I’m about to break my intermittent fast window, so I’m hungry as balls.
Let’s DO this!
I open the menu and my jaw drops. This isn’t a menu, it’s a freakin’ novel! I consult my get-shit-done-meter and quickly pick out an entree and a drink. It takes me less than a minute.
A waiter comes over. “Have you guys made your—”
My Ex says, “Give us a little time.”
“Of course.” The waiter departs.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER:
“Have you guys—”
“Nope. Need more time.”
THIRTY MINUTES LATER:
“Are you guys—”
“Nope. Come back in a bit.”
THREE HOURS LATER:
“Have you guys—”
EIGHT HOURS LATER, WHEN MY BELLY FEELS LIKE IT’S BEEN INVADED BY A LITTLE GREMLIN THAT’S CHEWING THROUGH MY STOMACH LINING:
“Have you guys decided?”
“Yep!” my Ex replies. She orders a laundry list of stuff, and through my hunger-haze, I manage to croak out what I’d like to eat. At this point, I’m still not aware that I’ve stumbled into a trap. The food comes and I start maowing down on it. But then I hear something worse than nails on a chalkboard:
“MmmMMMMMMM!!! Oh my GOOOOODDD!!!” My ex rolls her eyes up and dramatically flutters her lids. “Oh my god…this is SO GOOD!”
I continue eating, my jaw working in desperate shudders as I try to enjoy my food and ignore my Ex’s pornographic-sounding announcements declaring how goddamn good the food is.
My sanity is unraveling like a frayed cable under tension. At this point, everyone in the restaurant is on the floor, curled into a fetal position, quivering hands clapped firmly over their ears. They’re staring numbly at nothing, and their eyes are leaking tears of dark red blood.
No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Gandalf the Grey emerges from an interdimensional portal a few feet to our right. I gaze at him in awe, my fork dropping from lifeless fingers. My Ex, meanwhile, continues to perpetuate her sonic assault.
Gandalf flinches back in disgust, then grasps his staff with both hands. He slams it on the ground and an inferno-lined pit opens below my Ex. She screams in surprise and plummets into the void.
Gandalf roars, “GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!”
Then he helps me up off my seat. My vision is blurry from a flood of tears.
“Thank you Gandalf,” I gasp. “I was gonna vomit up an organ.”
He pats me on the back. “Take heart and be proud—not many can withstand a noisy foodie’s assault as long as you have.”
Noisy foodie…goddamn. My Ex has done a lot of heinous things, but this takes the cake!
Have you been lured into a meal where you have to wait a full work day before eating, and then have to endure a sonic assault that threatens to wither your soul and obliterate your psyche? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book