I’m the newest member of the Justice League. They’ve all been giving me some good-natured hazing (not Superman—he’s actually a really nice guy), but Batman has been roasting my nuts particularly hard.
(I think he’s jealous of the fact that Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman spiked one of my mountain dews with a Themysciran aphrodisiac/behavior dehibitor, and then took advantage of me in a crazy-as-balls threesome. Well Bats, if you cracked a smile every now and then, maybe ladies would be more amenable to using you like a cheap Tyco playset.)
But right now, the only thing I care about is freeing them from Starro. You know what Starro is? I don’t expect you to; you’re probably like most people, and have led a culture-deprived childhood. Well if you had a Master’s Degree in Nerdery (I have an accompanying Associate’s in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition, as well as a Bachelor’s in comics) like yours truly, you would know that Starro is a starfish-like creature that attaches onto someone’s face and controls their mind.
Right now, I’m the only member of the League that doesn’t have a one-eyed, reptile-like starfish affixed to my face. I’m running through the halls of the Justice League Watchtower, eyes bugging wildly as I barely avoid being punched into smithereens by a flying Kryptonian, or being blown apart by Batman’s super-cool explosive Batarangs.
Aquaman’s trident comes whistling through the air, tearing an entire wall apart. JEE-ZUS! I tuck my head and hunch over, darting into the cafeteria and rolling behind a counter. Just in time—Hawkgirl’s mace comes flying at me in a downward chop. The Nth metal weapon wrinkles the titanium floor as if it was cheap tissue paper.
This is bad. REALLY bad. This is like realizing there’s a hundred or so WWE champions, Strongman competitors, and world-class armwrestlers lined up to inflict a fisting gangbang upon my tender virgin anus. If these fools don’t kill me, they’re definitely gonna try and attach one of those gross Starro things onto my face.
Only one option left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Rewind. Let me explain what my superpower is. Upon command, my oversized genitals can grow to the height of fifty feet and morph into a monstrous, serpent-like creature that can punch through buildings and beat Godzilla’s ass. When this happens, I’m more of an ornament; I’m a fixture at the end of this thing’s tail. At that point, my job is to flex my muscles and cheer the rest of the team on as my giant dong takes care of business. But the reason I haven’t yet activated my womb-hammer is because I know that even at full power, it’s no match for the goddamn League.
The magic in my eReader activates the dark side of my dong—not only does it grow extra large, but it morphs into its unwashed, unmaintained state. A 20-foot diameter of pubic afro sprouts from its base, and disgusting lines of stink emanate from just under the head. (Even though everyone likes their own brand, I gotta say: my junk smells FUCKING DISGUSTING right now.)
Too disgusting for the Starros, apparently. They begin dropping off my fellow Leaguers’ faces, melting from the sheer perfidy of dirty dick. Batman begins hacking and coughing, and slaps a respirator onto his mouth. Superman’s face turns green. He gasps, “Rao save us!” before jetting out through an airlock into empty space. The rest fall into a coma and Bats, quick-thinking ninja guy that he is, puts respirators on all of their faces and injects them with a counter-stink agent.
He narrows his eyes and gives me a revolted look.
“You have the worst superpower ever.”
All I can do is grin sheepishly. Because he’s right.
(But I still made sex with his secret crush. Nyahaha! 😛 )
Do you need to release the hidden power of your genitals in order to stop an evil entity from controlling seven humanoid demigods? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book