I’m Kent Wayne’s Frontal Lobe. Think of me like his internal Captain Picard.
To further the analogy, I hum the Star Trek Next Generation theme (not a Star Trek fan but let’s admit it: that was the best theme out of all of them) to myself as I correspond with the rest of this dullard’s body. I mean come on—he may have a mind for writing, but he’s not exactly what you’d call an Einstein. He’s got a decent face and yeah he watches what he eats, but he’s really more like an idiot savant that likes to lift weights and cloyingly tries the patience of potential romantic liaisons until his shirt and pants come off. That’s when he reveals his sculpted body and penile glory. Only then is it pretty much a sure bet.
“Mr. Motor Cortex: give me a status on the nerve ways and musculoskeletal response systems.”
Motor Cortex responds: “Everything’s looking ship-shape Captain Lobe. The host body’s just finished working out and he’s just now returned to his Man Child hovel.”
So far so good. “Very well, Mr. Cortex. Ensure that the host ingests the proper mix of post workout nutrition.”
“Aye aye, captain.”
The hypothalamus pipes up: “Captain Lobe: host body is engaging in a sleep cycle—request permission to engage slumber protocols.”
I sigh in disgust—it’s 1 PM and this moron wants to take a nap. Lazy fucker. “Permission granted. Fire up neuroendocrine regulators. Start restoring ATP. Enjoy the break, people.”
A few hours later, Kent’s up and moving. So am I.
“Sensory nervous system, give me an update.”
“Host body is engaged in conversation, captain. From pheromonal signals, he’s trying to coax a female into mating rituals.”
I perk up; this is where things usually go awry.
“Okay, look sharp people. Mr. Prefrontal Cortex!”
“Engage all impulse control regulators. Do it now before—”
A red alarm begins flashing in Kent Wayne’s skull. It’s accompanied by an incredibly loud REE REE REE. God-fucking-dammit!
Kent Wayne’s penis speaks up: “The power! THE MOTHERFUCKING POWER!!! I’M driving this train now, you weak-ass bitches!”
I immediately begin barking orders: “Caps on all pheromonal release-ways! Cut that asshole’s blood flow now before he—“
Too late. When Kent Wayne experiences arousal, it throws the rest of us into a tailspin. His genitals are now firmly in charge. I grit my teeth in frustration.
“Give me audio, goddammit!”
Kent Wayne’s doofy voice resounds through his skull and we hear him saying, “Yeah I agree with you: Volume 3 WAS the equivalent of a modern-day Shakespearean epic. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Then he lets out one of those stupid ass chuckles. He sounds like Butthead (I guess that’s better than sounding like Beavis).
The woman replies: “Very impressive. I especially like the part where you wrote the blaze avatar—”
Kent Wayne interrupts: “You think THAT’S impressive?”
No. NO. He’s gonna use the line—the line that NEVER fails to get a drink splashed in his face.
“You should see my penis.”
Through the optics monitors, I see the glass of alcohol flit toward his face, the liquid leaving its confines in heartstopping slow motion. Only one option left.
“QUICK!” I yell. “FOCUS ALL COGNITIVE RESOURCES ON ECHO! WE NEED TO TAP THAT MAGIC DAMMIT!”
All organs (aside from cock-n-balls; they’re always doing their own thing) perform the equivalent of Professor X putting his fingertips to the side of his head and closing his eyes. The entire story of Echo—cyborg-soldiers, future wizards, big rowr-things—surges through the whole of Kent’s body. Magic flash.
Time reverses, we see the alcohol flow back into the glass, and Kent Wayne’s massive penis is—for one precious moment—stripped of its power.
I scream, “ONE CHANCE PEOPLE! MAKE IT COUNT!”
It feels kind of like reversing a ship’s course when it’s going full steam ahead, but we manage to do it: Kent Wayne’s mouth says, “I enjoy puppies and long walks on the beach.”
And the woman responds: “What a coincidence!” Genuine laughter. “I do too!”
I sigh in relief. The evening continues as expected, and later on, our goofy bastard host unloads a batch of sperm into a new receptacle.
Good Christ this job is hard.
We’ve all been in Captain Lobe’s shoes. Make sure that you don’t engage in a social blunder of epic proportions caused by your unstoppable hankering to Get It On. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book