ALIENS!!! Big ol’ bug-eyed freaks from space have landed! They look like lizard-folk with praying mantis claws! The lead freak apparently wants to talk to me for some reason, and a top-notch UN security detail brings me before Freakshow McFreakFace (My name for him; I’m well aware that it might not be PC). He looks at the UN guys, then hisses, “Leave us.” (Not a good sign; Vader/Palpatine speak is NEVER good). The UN guys leave, then he turns his attention to an eReader that he’s holding in his wicked-looking claws. He taps past page after page and makes tsking sounds with his ugly freakshow mouth. “Sentence fragments…improper use of italics…improper use of semicolons…improper use of white space…” He tosses the eReader to the side and makes a twisting gesture with his right foreclaw, causing the eReader to telekinetically implode. Inside I think: The aliens have landed and their leader’s a Grammar Nazi??? WHAT THE HELL!!! He gives me the bug-freak version of the Force-choke, and I raise into the air, clutching at my throat and gasping. “Any last words?” he asks. I manage to gasp out, “Not so fast McFreakFace. There’s something on MY eReader that I want to show you.” He lowers me to the ground and cocks his head sideways, puzzled. “How did you know my name was McFreakFace?” I rub at my windpipe, glare at him, and mutter, “How indeed.” I open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. Three blu-rays skid across the floor and when I see what they are, I instinctively recoil in horror. They’re the three George Lucas prequels…the ones that Shall Not Be Named. FreakFace gives them a curious look, then touches them with his foreclaw, initiating what looks to be some kind of techno mindmeld and views the movies through his mind’s eye in accelerated time. He freezes in place. His expression goes blank, then turns to one of horror. He about-faces and screams, “THESE HUMANS HAVE CREATED HORRORS BEYOND OUR KEN! BACK TO THE SHIPS!” Every alien drops their weapon and follows FreakFace, shaking their claws above their head and gibbering in absolute terror. World saved. You’re welcome.
The best way to fight aliens? Prudent use of world-bending terror, aka exposure to the Prequels That Shall Not Be Named. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle