” ‘And thus ends the world: In the darkest, most Stygian night you can imagine. Terrible light will fall from the heavens and convert us all into Grammar Nazis, starting with the ones we love most. Humanity will drown in a tide of red ink.’ ” The wizard closes the grimoire he’s been reading from and gives me a grave look. My 10 lb. terrier Bitefighter and I have travelled long and far to meet this sorcerer—the fabled mystic Keratius Kildare—in a remote range of Himalayan mountainside. The musty old library we’re in begins rumbling. Keratius looks up and locks eyes with me. “Good luck,” he intones, then vanishes in a flash of eldritch light and sulfurous fog. Bastard! Saves his own skin without considering the rest of—KRAKABOOM! Black lightning crashes through the sanctum, instantly enveloping Bitefighter in miasmic radiance. I shrink back and raise my forearm up to protect my face. I look through splayed fingers at my dog; he’s compressing and contracting…his tail straightens and grows…tiny glasses appear on his face…and then he becomes…A CAT??? Bitefighter is now a balding, bespectacled feline. He hisses in an evil voice that’s a perfect mix of Skeletor, King Zarkon, and Dr. Claw: “Witness me. The first Grammar Nazi!” I blubber in protest, just as if I was Luke right after finding out that Darth was his pops. In sheer desperation, I scream, “PALAMADES PUBLISHING!” Medium-rare ribeyes begin raining from the heavens. One spatters on the ground in front of Bitefighter, spraying his now catlike mouth lips with juicy ribeye goodness. He lets loose a meow, which turns to a howl. An iridescent blaze surrounds him, and the evil cat-energy leaves his body. My little bud, now restored to his original self, begins tucking into mountains of ribeye. I grin and follow suit. Come on—who the hell passes up free ribeye???
Palamedes publishing: Your one-stop shop for enchanted ribeyes that will cast off any number of evil glammers. Check out their poetry here: Machu Picchu Me They will soon offer Echo Volume 1 in paperback. For now, get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle