I’m bopping along with my 10 lb. terrier Bitefighter as I walk through the park, singing softly to myself: “And when we go crash-ing, down, we come back every tiiimmme…” Suddenly I hear: “HEY!” I look up and…HOLY HOOZIS! An irate Taylor Swift is levelling her index finger at me, rage shining in her eyes. “THAT’S MY SONG!” She drops to a knee, lifts some kind of militarized cannon-looking thing to her shoulder and BLOOP. A chihuahua comes flying toward me and Bitefighter. The thing is coated in spines and spikes, just like one a’ those porpucine cars in Mad Max Fury Road. My buddy and I dive in opposite directions just as 8 lbs of tiny but mighty rage comes screaming past us. BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP. More chihuahuas! I’m doing the Neo thing, only I’m dodging vengeful anklebiters instead of Agent Smith’s bullets. Now if I can just—ARRGGGHHH!!! One of them slices past me, its needles digging deep furrows into my left arm. I fall to the ground, clutching the wound, and I see Tadolf Switler’s face grow evil with triumph. The chihuahuas she’s fired have circled around me and Bitefighter, barking mercilessly at us and keeping us pinned. One last chance. I scream, “PALAMEDES PUBLISHING!” Magic flash. Hundreds of feet up, looming large in the blue summer sky, a Dreadnought star cruiser begins to materialize. Taylor looks at it, screams in inarticulate rage, then begins firing her evil not-dogs at its hull. One of the beryllium cannons on the Dreadnought pivots toward her, and—POOM POOM POOM—begins launching cannonades of force-field ensconced great danes toward her. The big woofers hit with a smash, sending up spouts and geysers of fragmented earth. Their forcefields disappear, and I notice they’re all wet. Some of them begin playing catch with the now-panicked chihuahuas, while the others tackle Tadolf Switler and slather her with all manner of slobber and gross. She’s screaming, Bitefighter’s smiling, and I’m laughing my ass off.
Question: What beats a chihuahua-launcher? Answer: A Dreadnought cruiser that’s had its beryllium guns loaded with weaponized great danes. Palamedes publishing: Check out their revolutionary Responsive Books software here: Responsive Books. Check out their short stories here: A Gathering Darkness They will soon offer Echo Volume 1 in paperback. For now, get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle