A few years ago, Vegan Overlord Daemos swept the earth with his forces, driving meat-eaters deep underground and severely restricting the use of squat racks and katanas (I know; what kind of philistine IS this motha ducka?). I’m being led through San Francisco’s Market Street, pinned to stockades like William f’in Wallace. Huge crowds are gathered on the pavement, and they make their opinion of me known in no uncertain terms as they chuck stinky tofu and rotten vegetables at my face. I have no idea what’s in store for me, only that my captors have intimated through evil chuckles that it will involve multiple boots to the nuts. I cast my lifeless eyes up ahead, and resign myself to…wait, what was that? A tiny head pokes up on a rooftop to my front, then ducks back down. I briefly wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me before I see a little dog body take a running leap from the same, ten-story building. It’s Bitefighter, my 10 lb. terrier!!! His paws stretch forward and his rear legs extend back as he sails through the air, my eReader clutched in his whiskered mouth. He drops the eReader and it lands right in front of me, on the stockade platform. And whaddaya know…it’s open to Echo. The screen lights with a magic flash as Bitefighter lands and rolls—PARKOUR!—like some kinda doggy ninja. Suddenly, all the discarded veggies begin swirling toward each other and forming into a massive, fifty-foot tall veggie monster. It rears back and lets loose a terrifying bellow from its lumpy head: “I…VE-GOR! I…LIIIIIIVVVEEEE!!!!” Screams erupt from the assembled vegans, along with shouts of, “Plants are alive and can feel pain??? Curse my idiocy!” Vegor starts squishing fleeing vegans beneath his massive, rotten feet. He also starts throwing them into the air, so he can gulp them down as if they were popcorn. My trusty buddy Bitefighter undoes the stockade latch with his snout and teeth. A minute later, we’re running away. Bitefighter’s smiling, his little mouth split in a huge doggy grin, and I’m laughing hysterically from the irony of it all.