“Kill….me.” The words slip out from the pale, bloodless lips of one of my coworkers. His hands are bunched around the fabric of his slacks, creating two, sweat-soaked mounds of tense wrinkles. I try to comfort him but I can’t speak. All of us are held in thrall by the miasmic evil that is…POWERPOINT. As we stare sightlessly into the depths of soul-killing projections sporting banal labels like, “Core Competencies” “Thinking Outside the Box,” “Paradigm Shifting,” and “Sea Change,” they all start blending together—AtTheEndOfTheDayHolisticApproachOrganicGrowthNewNormalWheelHouseEmpowermentTalkOffLine—AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! I hear a whimper to my left and I see Sally from Marketing touch her right ear. She looks at the wetness on the tips of her fingers and whispers in abject horror: “My brains. Why are my brains outside my head?” I fumble drunkenly with my eReader and open it to Echo. Magic flash. Gandalf the Grey, mounted atop Shadowfax, bursts into the conference room. He raises the brim of his hat with his right hand and says, “What devilry is this?” He rides around the conference table, throwing us delicious hunks of rib-eye. “STEAKS! MEDIUM-RARE STEAKS FOR EVERYONE! EAT THEM QUICKLY, LEST YE STAY IN EVIL’S THRALL!” He stops at the front of the table and looks grimly up at the powerpoint projector. His next words come out in a grave rasp: “Steaks for them…and .50 CAL FOR YOU!” He whips out an M2 Browning from under his cloak (I know—that’s a lotta weight, aka: that’s a yoked-ass old dude!) and starts blazing away at the projector with enchanted bullets. Sparks fly as what could arguably be called “Lucifer’s mechanical asshole” disintegrates in a hail of plastic and circuitry. I’m watching the spectacle with wide eyes, shoveling handfuls of meat into my piehole with my bare, greasy fingers. Yum! Best day at work ever!!!
There is only one cure for Powerpoint: Medium-rare ribeye, followed by a mounted Gandalf wielding a Ma Deuce. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle