I ask one of the fashionably unshowered workers at Whole Foods to help me find some a’ those bomb-ass dried mangos. “Right behind you,” he says. I thank him, retrieve the snacks, but when I turn around he whips out a chain of crystal medallions, blinding me with their multifaceted glare. “HIPPIE PERPETUUM!” he screams as I stagger back, eyes shielded by a forearm. I crash into a stack of cereal, dazedly blinking away huge swaths of sunspots. Every nearby shopper starts flinging giant globs of patchouli butter at me (hippies in disguise! Treachery everywhere!). I sputter and fumble my way to the meat section, splattered by patchouli missiles as I make my retreat. Out of desperation, I open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. The lobsters and steaks begin vibrating…then they fly toward each other, assembling into a giant Meat-thing that towers fifteen feet into the air and looks vaguely like a crab. It raises two arms that are pieced together from chops and cuts, and lets loose with an enormous bellow. Every hippie pauses, and I hear murmurs of “It’s a living creature! We can’t attack it!” I take the opportunity to shout at Meatfighter (yep, I named it on the spot—and that is a badass name if I may say so myself) “MEATFIGHTER! AT THEM!” Meatfighter starts disemboweling hippies with ponderous swipes of its bone-tipped claws. The aisles are littered with bled-out hippies, all with glassy eyes and confused expressions….as it should be, bwahahaha!
If I may quote Science: “Every day, 8.4 Whole Foods customers are accosted by patchouli-powered flower children.” But lucky for you, Kent Wayne has a solution: Meatfighter. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle