I’m at a yoga class in down dog, gleefully aware that I’m the only man in a class full of soccer moms and that multiple eyes are ogling my assiduously squat-thickened behind (yep, we all have our preferences; thank God that mine is fairly mainstream). Suddenly one of them screams, “That’s HIM! The guy who keeps making fun of our corporation-bound husbands! Castrate him for his temerity!” They come at me in a wave. For a second I’m tempted to laugh, but soccer moms today are a different breed: They’ve transformed from ineffectual Tae Bo enthusiasts into hardened Crossfit-goers that are starting to dip their toes into jiu-jitsu and MMA. I’m old fashioned and still have qualms about hitting women in the face, but I find myself regretting this stance as I check kicks, slip punches, and stuff a double-leg takedown. I sprint past, hurdle over, then aerial twist-flip above three more attacks. I kick my eReader up from the ground like Tom Cruise in MI2 (I know that’s a dated reference), open it to Echo, and turn it upon the horde of angry moms. Magic flash. Jessica Rabbit, Wonder Woman, and Powergirl (yes I know her costume is ridiculous), ‘port out from the screen and begin administering a serious can of whoop-ass on the beleaguered moms. I wince and turn away; I love soccer moms, but not more than my genitals. When the three of them are done they press up against me and run their hands through my hair. “I know we’re not as old as you like, but would you care to come to our secret hideout so you can watch Justice League while we feed you grapes?” Hot damn! Of course I would!
Protect your genitals from the new breed of combat-trained soccer mom. Score a date with three of your childhood crushes. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle