Social Justice Warriors have taken over the world, imprisoning anyone who raises objections to their condemnation of microaggressions and enforcement of trigger warnings. I’ve been caught applauding at a movie (apparently clapping is a trauma trigger; the appropriate thing to do is snap your fingers) and for my crimes I have been chained to a radiator in a dank, subterranean prison. Every meal is a politically approved soy patty that tastes like Social Justice, and in case you’re wondering: Yes, Social Justice tastes like ass. I am made to poop in a bucket, and a scarlet “C” has been branded onto my forehead. The “C” stands for “Clapper.” Funny enough, these douche-tards have forgotten to take away my eReader. I shimmy my hips so it drops out of my pocket and opens to Echo. Magic flash. A lockpick appears in the cuts of my six-pack (Social Justice Warriors don’t search your six-pack ‘cos defined abs shame them into days of sulky silence and desperate nights of silent crying/furtive masturbation). I unflex my abs, grab the lockpick between my feet (since my hands are chained), and swing them up and work the locks on my wrists (if any of you have read that ’90s X-men classic “X-tinction Agenda,” you’ve seen Gambit doing the same thing, only he did it with a spike he’d fooled Cameron Hodge into firing into his leg. So badass). I pick the lock on my cell, and in a few minutes, I’m stealthily making my way out of this nightmarish gulag.
How long until YOU end up in a prison for committing microaggressions and forgetting to yell “Trigger Warning” before you clap? Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle