I shudder in fear as I’m lifted by a tractor beam into an alien saucer. I look around, expecting to see ugly little gray humanoids. Instead, my abductors all look like Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy. Whoa! They see my surprise and laugh. One of them says, “We’re the good ones, Kent. We liked your ads so we decided to take you with us. I hope you enjoy pizza and long walks on the—” BLAM! The ships rocks in a violent lurch. BLAM BLAM! Red lights and alarms begin pulsing, and suddenly, my beautiful abductors are scrambling to man battle stations. “What’s going on?” I yell. “What the—” BLAM! The one who was talking to me yells back, “EMO-POETS! THEY’VE SPREAD THEIR DARKNESS ACROSS THE GALAXY! EVERY WORLD THEY VISIT FALLS VICTIM TO AN UNJUSTIFIED, MOPEY DEPRESSION!” She’s about to elaborate when a soft-tinged, woe-is-me voice blares shitty poetry across our comms systems. Everyone drops to their knees, bleeding out their ears and eyes. One of the hot aliens poops themselves. My eyes steel over, ‘cos making a hot alien poop herself is a capital offense where I come from. Open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. A Batship appears in our viewscreen, slicing through legions of emo-poets’ spacecraft. The poetry stops, and we all rise to our feet, dazed but happy. Batman’s gravelly voice projects from our comms: “If these guys were truly conflicted, they’d be like me: climbing mountains, beating on ninjas, doing squats. My apologies; angst was never supposed to turn into emo.” He flies off, the crew’s cheering, and the captain plants a wet one on my lips.
Emo-poets will come for you, even when you’re flying the farthest reaches of the galaxy. When it happens, have a Batman ready to save you. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle