I’m hacking my way through the Amazon with Teddy Roosevelt. He keeps shouting “Bully for you!” and twirling his handlebar mustache, causing me to grin and stay motivated as I follow behind. Suddenly a tribe of emo-poets charges out of the brush and swamps him. He’s throwing old-timey boxing punches, having the time of his life. I’m rushing to assist, when suddenly one of them starts chanting shitty poetry that’s straight out of the latest teen-vampire movie. Teddy clutches his nuts and screams in agony. He rips his pants open and horror upon horrors, his junk has shrunken to near-nothingness. I’m talking baby acorn and two half-raisins. He yells furiously, “Aaaargh! Save yourself Kent! These cads are in possession of dark magicks!” In desperation, I open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. A swirling beam of light that looks like a translucent Chuck Norris streaks over Teddy and jams a syringe full of whiskey into his thigh. Roosevelt’s eyes bulge and glow red. His muscles expand in a rippling surge and he tears out of his clothes like the motha duckin’ Hulk (his handlebar mustache also grows to an impressive three foot wingspan). He starts throwing all-American haymakers and smashing emo faceholes.
Every 3.8 seconds, someone is rendered impotent by Emo poetry. Don’t let it happen to you. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle. Links for Vol.2 on Smashwords/Nook/iBooks/Kobo are available here: Echo on other platforms