I’m taking a tour of the Large Hadron Collider. A scientist that suspiciously resembles that nerd in the Simpsons is my escort, but he’s lost in his tablet, mumbling about krull dimensions and solipsisms. I gotta pee, so I wander into what appears to be a restroom. The lights are off. Just as I unzip and assume the stance, the scientist rushes in and screams, “NO YOU FOOL!” I hear blaring alarms and panicked yelling in the background. Someone shouts, “That idiot Kent is packing too much heat! The massive gravity emanating from his genitals is unbalancing the warpgate and we’re going to—” Suddenly I’m spinning into a kaleidoscope reality, colors and blurs and visible sounds swirling around me. I drop into a nightmarish realm of fire and smoke, where I’m greeted by a demon sporting horn-rimmed glasses and a scarf. He grins and says, “My name is Ak Thon Cra’ikto. I invented hipsters. And you’re going to be my newest pet project.” His hands twist into arcane gestures, and suddenly I can FEEL my hair turning into something stupid, I can FEEL my t-levels dropping to -39 ng/dl, I can FEEL the rush of emo-guilt urging me to self-castrate. Somehow my eReader survived the trip. I open it to Echo. Magic flash. I see the beard of Chuck Norris floating before me, and with a trembling, pasty hipster arm, I grab it and slap it onto my face. A storm of multicolored lightning envelops me, and suddenly my muscles turn steely and bulging. A coat of denim armor slides over my form and snaps into place, making me look like a meched-up version of Chuck from the eighties. I start roundhouse-kicking the air. Each kick is powerful enough to propel me into a parallel dimension, until with a final ear-squeezing boom, I’m launched back onto Earth. Smoke drifts off my burn-spotted armor and I slowly rise from one knee. The scientists prostrate themselves in awe.
Need to escape from the Ninth Ring? Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle. Links for Vol.2 on Smashwords/Nook/iBooks/Kobo are available here: Echo on other platform Echo Vol.1 will be available on Kindle Unlimited until October 9, 2016.