I’m at the park decoding an ancient Sumerian prophecy when I realize what it’s telling me: The demon-lord Icthultu has finally come to collect on the bargain he struck with the Popular Kids. In return for gifting them with the power to continually abuse everyday people, their souls are now his. I look up: the sky is darkened with legions of hellspawn. They’re swooping in, grabbing up party girls, snobs, CEOs…One of the hellspawn turns to me and hisses, “Yooouuu are nexxxt. All of you will ssssuuuffer upon our barbed genitals.” It flies off laughing. My eyes harden. Open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. I’m encased in a twenty-foot suit of robotic armor, and I’m rocking a shoulder-mounted gatling cannon, as well as an eight-foot techno-katana forged from Jahn-teller composites. I activate my speaker system and bellow, “NERDS. DON’T LIE; I KNOW THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE WEAPONIZED MECHS HIDING WITH YOU IN YOUR MOM’S BASEMENT. FIGHT ALONGSIDE ME AND LET US REJOICE IN SAVAGE GLORY.” Suddenly I’m joined by dozens of meched-up nerds, ready to defend the earth in its moment of need. I give knuckles to the one on my right, and then we’re exploding demons with tri-weave sabot, kinetic light lances, and directed white-hole generated discharges.