(Disclaimer: I have encountered many amazing hicks, and IMHO, the best fighters I’ve seen in the military tend to be hicks. That being said…) HICK CANNIBALS!!! Chasing me down, licking their lips over thick, Duck Dynasty beard-staches. They’re coming at me with big-ass K-bars and just-as-big dildos (have no idea what they’re for, and I don’t want to know). In desperation, I open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. Intricate strains of Mozart fill the air, and holograms of Michael Caine and Neil Degrasse Tyson appear behind me. The hicks stop, confused. Caine begins lecturing them on the history of Western civilization while Neil goes into a complicated discussion of quantum physics. The hicks dropped to their knees and clutch their heads, screaming, “TOO. MUCH. CULTURE!” Their skulls explode in a voluminous, soppy mess, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I sit down and enjoy the music.