Vegans have taken over the world. I’m in an internment camp for meat-eaters and going through “re-education.” My interrogator slaps me and forces a tofu patty down my throat. I’m on my knees, my arms held up by two vegan douche-masters. I beg them, “No more tofu. Please…gimme some eggs at least. Eggs aren’t even animals until they’re ferti—” SLAP. “QUIET, SCHWEINE!” (For some reason my interrogator has a German accent). My head slumps forward. The eReader in my pocket tumbles out and opens to Echo. Magic flash. I see Chuck Norris a few yards away. He lifts a finger to his lips, telling me to stay silent. He gets on a knee, lifts a bazooka, and BAM! Shoots a stream of Carne Asada at my face. I gulp it down. My skinny-fat disappears, my B12 goes up. I flex and the sheer force of it causes a miniature explosion, knocking my captors out and obliterating the prison walls. Eighties music is in the air as me and Chuck make our escape using roundhouse kicks interspersed with jumping high-fives.